


The Evolution of Chloe Valentine

by TheHomestuckWhovian



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Gen, Redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-08 20:25:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11654085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHomestuckWhovian/pseuds/TheHomestuckWhovian
Summary: Chloe's throat closed up as she looked at Brooke walking down the hallway, talking a mile a minute with Michael and Jeremy about the Avengers and any possibility of a comic-accurate, or even somewhat good, X-Men movie in the future. Her eyes were bright with excitement, and she was talking more than she ever had in conversation with Chloe.Chloe had never known that Brooke was a superhero fan.Then Brooke's eyes landed on Chloe and the shift was immediate. Brooke clammed up, before smiling a practiced smile and telling Jeremy and Michael, "See you at lunch!" before jogging up to Chloe.





	1. Sketchbook

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a one shot, but now I kind of want to make a multiple chapter fic of this.
> 
> Let's see how this goes.

Chloe didn't have English class with Brooke.

Brooke did have English with Michael Mell and Jeremy Heere, two boys who they never consider hanging out with until after they "did ecstasy" together.

And before Chloe never would have considered being their friends, but a mixture of genuine interest and guilt as she realized she was probably partially to blame for Jeremy taking the SQUIP with how terrible she was made her decide to put some effort into friendship. By that point of course, Brooke had already endeared herself to them, because she was Brooke Lohst, and Chloe was dragged along into this friendship.

Anyway, she usually met them next to her locker after English so she could head to Chemistry with Brooke and briefly say hi to the boyf riends. Which is where she was when she looked up from her phone and had a realization that ran her over like a truck.

Chloe's throat closed up as she looked at Brooke walking down the hallway, talking a mile a minute with Michael and Jeremy about the Avengers and any possibility of a comic-accurate, or even somewhat good, X-Men movie in the future. Her eyes were bright with excitement, and she was talking more than she ever had in conversation with Chloe.

Chloe had never known that Brooke was a superhero fan.

Then Brooke's eyes landed on Chloe and the shift was immediate. Brooke clammed up, before smiling a practiced smile and telling Jeremy and Michael, "See you at lunch!" before jogging up to Chloe.

It was the start of a mental trainwreck, the moment when the train derailed and crashed through anything in its way until it came to a stop (it was probably on fire too).

Because Chloe watched a bit more, listened a bit more, and learned more about Brooke in a week of paying attention to Brooke's interactions with others than she had in years since declaring Brooke her best friend in sixth grade.

Brooke was a fan of superheroes. Not in the "Jesus Captain America is hot" way that Chloe was, but a "Could probably name every random superpower ever given to Superman in the comics" way. She enjoyed knitting in her free time, and for Michael's birthday gave him a handknit copy of a hat from Firefly, a show Chloe had vaguely heard of but just dismissed as nerd stuff. She was actually very talkative; the longest Chloe had ever seen her go on for during this observational period being twenty minutes. Chloe wondered how many times she had interrupted her.

Brooke Lohst was also very kind.

When she didn't notice Chloe was there, Brooke helped freshmen who tripped and dropped their books, listened and provided genuine advice to anyone who asked, cheered up people who were down in the dumps when they happened to bump into her. Chloe occasionally saw her ask Mr. Reyes how he was doing, something the rest of their newly formed group hadn't considered (or maybe they had but she was too self-absorbed to notice). Brooke's friendliness away from Chloe was superhuman in its own right, and Chloe wondered how much it hurt Brooke to do the things they used to do.

_You are a bitch, you know that? Brooke only ever seems happy when she is not around you. You did this. She didn't even need a SQUIP with the way you molded her, making her into what you wanted. You never wanted her to be herself, so don't start crying because you just realized she is a different person than the one you forced her to be._

Her derailed train metaphor was getting too accurate, because the train just kept going, destroying everything she had thought she had known about Brooke. It kept progressively getting worse.

Chloe found a picture of them from sixth grade in one of the old yearbooks in the library, and blinked in surprise.

She had forgotten Brooke wore glasses. They had disappeared one day during sixth grade and Brooke never wore them again.

She could barely recall telling Brooke offhandedly that she'd look cuter without them.

_You pulled a stereotypical romcom move. You convinced the poor girl she needed to dress a certain way, take off her glasses, and become a different person in order to be worth a damn. Just like a SQUIP. Do you think you made her happier in any way? And the sad part is that you didn't do it to help her with any objective of hers. You did it to fulfill your own desires for a perfectly subservient beta. No wonder Jeremy's SQUIP was able to manipulate her. It was the first time anyone seemed to offer her any genuine attention. And you ruined that for her too._

Jesus Christ, how much had Brooke changed herself for Chloe? How much had she given up of herself to keep Chloe happy? How much had she shut herself up, repeated what Chloe wanted her to say, done what Chloe wanted her to do, forgiven Chloe over and over again for hurting her?

Chloe Valentine had fucking squipped Brooke long before she took that fucking devil Tic-Tac.

She desperately wanted to convince herself that she was wrong, but she saw all the ways she had turned Brooke into the person she was and knew a derailed train couldn't go back onto the track after going this far.

_You can't fix this. You can say all you want how sorry you are, but she'll never believe you. You've hurt her and apologized and hurt her again too many times to be forgiven for what you've done. Even if you swore to do better, she wouldn't trust you to not go right back to the way you were. You don't even trust yourself to stick to it._

Chloe Valentine had done pretty bad things to get to and maintain her spot at the top. She couldn't remember the person she had been when she started; she had let go of that kind of decency and respect for anyone and given herself up piece by piece to climb up there. And she had forced Brooke to do the same.

_You don't deserve what you have. You didn't earn it. You have done horrible things and have always been forgiven without hesitation. Brooke has had everything she is invalidated by you and still she stays by you. Rich and Jeremy both probably wouldn't have taken their SQUIPs if you hadn't bullied them. Michael gives you a wide berth because he knows you hurt everything you touch. Jenna practically sold her soul to you in order to have anyone she could consider a friend and you treated her like garbage. You hurt Christine because Jake was interested in her. You knew for a fact how sensitive Jake is about his parents, so you nearly forced Jeremy to have sex with you in Jake's parents' bedroom to hurt him._

Oh God, she was a fucking monster.

_You are the worst kind of monster. You are horrible and terrible and you don't deserve the kindness anyone shows you. Brooke is your best friend and you have hurt her over and over again._

She had hurt everyone.

_Yes, you have. You have done terrible things. Everyone would be happier if you weren't around._

Everyone would be happier if she hadn't been here in the first place.

* * *

Chloe skipped school the next day, unable to focus on her homework the night before and deciding to claim she was sick. She ignored texts and calls and the group chat, choosing instead to watch TV and try to ignore the voice in her head.

Until she decided to grab a family photo album and started flipping through pages, looking at herself from when she was a baby.

_Wow, you really can't stop being self-centered, can you._

She looked at her when she was little, pictures that used to make her cringe with embarrassment now making her wonder, what had happened? When had this little girl become...her?

There was a photo of her face covered in watermelon, hair tugged into pigtails that made five year old her look a year younger. Chloe sighed, as she continued to flip through.

There were photos of her through elementary school, drawing and painting and holding up artwork proudly. Those pigtails stuck around until around fifth grade in the photos, and the artwork disappeared. Instead there were photos of her standing with girls she barely remembered. Jada was dropped that year, Lucy in seventh, and Carly in eighth, their history meaning nothing because they weren't cool enough, weren't pretty enough, weren't _obedient_ enough, and thus not worth keeping around or remembering.

_You started early in the complete monster business._

What had caused such a drastic change? When had she stopped wearing pigtails and creating things? She couldn't even remember the last time she drew or painted.

_Monsters don't create. They destroy. All monsters create is other monsters. Like you did to Brooke and Jenna._

Jesus Christ.

The front door opened, and in came Chloe's mom, who blinked with surprise at seeing her daughter downstairs in her pjs, holding the photo album.

"Honey, is something wrong?" she asked, setting her bag down and sitting next to Chloe on the couch.

"Just...looking at pictures," Chloe answered, not really wanting to go into why.

"You hate that photo album though," her mom recalled, adding, "You declared that it was embarrassing and asked us to burn it."

Shit.

Chloe looked at the last photo of her holding up a piece of artwork, admitting, "I guess I was so focused on how embarrassed I was." She held up the photo of fourth grade her, asking, "She looks so happy, Mom."

"You were," her mother answered, smiling gently. "You got third place in an art competition. I was worried you'd be disappointed, but you just smiled so wide and told me you were happy you got that far."

_You never would do that now. You have to be at the top, or it wasn't worth it to begin with. And you cheat even if you don't have to._

"What happened?"

"I don't know, honey. I remember you coming home in fifth grade, insisting you needed new clothes because yours looked like they belonged to a five year old boy. You stopped wearing your hair in pigtails, even though you used to insist on having it that way. And when you firmly told me Jada wasn't going to come over any more because you weren't friends anymore, I wondered what had changed. But I supported you because that was what you wanted."

Chloe closed the album, admitting, "I screwed up, Mom. I've screwed up so much, and everyone has forgiven me, but I don't deserve it. And I don't think anything I do can make up for how much I've hurt other people. I'm..."

_Bitch. Asshole. Dick. Slut. Whore. Bully. Cruel. Horrible. Evil. Terrible._

"...a monster."

_Yes you are. A horrible horrible monster._

"You're not a monster, Chloe," her mother said, causing her to look up. "You are a child. You are still a child. And you have done bad things but you can grow from that. You can become better. You are not incapable of growing. And I believe you can if you try. And I remember a little girl who never backed down from a challenge."

_You killed that little girl though. You corrupted her and made her into something irredeemable. She doesn't know what you did to Brooke, to the people you dare to call your friends as if you haven't hurt them all. There is no redeeming what you've done._

"And the first step is always recognizing what you did wrong, Chloe." Her mother held her face. "You already started. Don't stop here. The rest of this journey takes effort, but you already took that first step." She let go and went to the kitchen for a moment before bringing back a blank sketchbook. "Maybe it isn't your thing anymore, but who knows?"

Chloe looked at the blank sketchbook, taking it in her hands, before looking up and smiling. "Thank you."

* * *

That night, Chloe pulled out a pencil and began to draw.

Maybe her SQUIP was right. Maybe there was no redeeming her.

But she would damn well try to atone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this was terrible. I'm just gonna go...


	2. Headphones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe knew Michael was suspicious of her 99% of the time. She didn't blame him. You could only be a total bitch to someone so many times before they stop believing you can be a decent person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The SQUIP uses some pretty heavy language at one point, some of it slut-shaming Chloe.
> 
> I hope this chapter is somewhat decent. I really hope so.

Chloe knew Michael was suspicious of her 99% of the time. She didn't blame him. You could only be a total bitch to someone so many times before they stop believing you can be a decent person.

_You can't be a decent person. You're a monster._

Did she fucking ask?

Anyway, she figured he'd be the one both least likely to trust her change, and least likely to forgive her. Michael was a nice guy, but he was justified in not forgiving her, and the most likely to flat out tell her so.

She wasn't mad or unhappy about it. She knew it was inevitable that at least some things she did, she couldn't be forgiven for. She wasn't going to beg for something she didn't deserve; she would have to earn the right to be forgiven, and accept what she did was wrong.

She was going to be a better person.

* * *

Chloe was walking through the halls when she heard the sound of someone being slammed into a locker, a word that Chloe felt no desire to repeat shouted out loud. Her first instinct was to check it, followed by the innate part of her that said it wasn't her business, followed by a reminder that she was trying to be a decent person, dammit. So she investigated.

There was Michael Mell, pinned against the lockers by a football player. His glasses were askew on his face and his headphones lay broken on the floor.

Jesus Christ.

"What the fuck is going on?"

The football player looked at her, saying, "Kinda busy, Valentine. Gotta teach this loser a lesson."

Chloe scowled, saying, "You are the loser here, Davis. Now Let him go."

The football player glared at her, asking, "When did you get soft?" He looked pissed off, and if he wasn't still holding up Michael, Chloe had no doubt he'd be trying his hardest to tower over her.

Cute that he thought he was intimidating.

Chloe stepped forward, her eyes menacing. "I don't fucking care whether you think I've gone soft. You are being a violent bastard and it's time to stop. Now, let go of Michael. _Now_."

In the ensuing glare off, Davis had size and strength, but Chloe had spent years honing her skills at expressing power with just her posture and her glare. So she wasn't surprised when Davis dropped Michael roughly, snarling in an attempt to phase her. It didn't work.

"Now get out of here," she told him.

As he passed by he loudly whispered, "Bitch ass whore." Chloe didn't even flinch. Instead she smiled.

You can tell when someone has lost when they start name calling.

Davis gone, Chloe approached Michael, offering him a hand to help him up. He shook his head, pushing himself up and fixing his glasses before looking at his broken headphones and scowling.

"You okay?" she asked him carefully.

He shook his head, muttering, "I don't want to talk about it."

She nodded in understanding. "Okay."

* * *

Michael had been looking at her suspiciously all day.

Chloe wasn't too surprised. She had been acting like a decent person all day, though Michael appeared to be the only one who noticed. She had held open doors for people and helped Christine carry set pieces from the woodshop into the auditorium and told Jenna she looked pretty today (and Chloe wasn't lying to have an excuse to be nice; Jenna's hair had been on point and her blouse was freaking gorgeous. She just had never told Jenna that before because she didn't find any use to it). The others, oddly enough, barely batted an eye, while nine times out of ten, Michael's eyes were narrowed when she spared a glance in his direction.

Chloe was in the library, sketching out a picture of a rose based on a photo from the book in front of her when she heard three very familiar people enter.

"I don't understand her angle," Michael explained, sounding aggravated. "It came completely out of left field. I don't think I have ever seen her willingly do any heavy lifting and suddenly she is volunteering to help Christine out?"

Jeremy sighed, saying, "Are you sure you aren't thinking too much into this?"

"She actually told Jenna she looked pretty today, Jer Bear. Chloe Valentine has never publicly complimented anyone."

"...Okay, that is weird for her. So what are you saying?"

Michael groaned. "What I'm saying is that she wants something."

"Brooke, what are your thoughts about this?"

There was silence, and Chloe held her breath.

"...Did she happen to do something bad?" Brooke asked. "Was anyone refusing to speak to her for something she said or did? Chloe was usually only openly nice like that after we had big fights. That might be a reason."

"Knowing Chloe, I wouldn't be surprised if she did something awful," Michael noted.

Jeremy sighed in exasperation. "Brooke, doesn't she usually beg for your forgiveness or something too?"

"True. I haven't seen her do anything like that this week. I...I don't know. Chloe is always selective about any sort of kindness she shows. There is usually an ulterior motive. But she hasn't been calling in favors or making demands. I wonder if she is planning something big."

"Whatever it is, it'll be a shit show," Michael noted.

Chloe looked at the rose in her sketchbook, staring at the petals and thorns.

_They don't trust you. They are waiting for you to fuck this up. They know you can't be kind without wanting something. Even now, you can't be nice to people without expecting anything in return._

She ripped the sketch out, crumpling it in her hands.

_Just like a monster to create something beautiful and immediately destroy it._

She left the library, leaving behind the balled up piece of paper.

* * *

It was hard not to take her anger out on the freshman that bumped into her when she was late for US History, but she bit her tongue and, instead, bent down to help pick up their stuff.

"Sorry," she apologized, handing them their binder. They quickly thanked her, practically shaking in fear, before scrambling off.

_They are terrified of you. They know you are a monster._

Chloe just sighed and entered class, sitting in her seat and half-listening to the lesson. She doodled in her sketchbook as she did, doing what she could to ignore the SQUIP's voice in her head.

She looked down after a while to see the page covered with words the SQUIP had called her and flinched, before sighing and ripping that page out, tossing it in the trash in her way out and heading to meet Brooke and the boyf riends.

Today she could feel the glare from Madeline as she passed, hear the hurried whispers of terror as her classmates rushed to get out of her path. She didn't let any indication that she acknowledged that reach her face.

Michael looked oddly on edge when Chloe noticed him, barely contributing to the conversation with Jeremy and Brooke. He kept reaching for something around his neck, before realizing nothing was there.

Oh. His headphones.

Chloe looked through her purse as they approached, Brooke already shifting into her different persona, when Chloe pulled out what she was looking for and held them out to Michael.

"Here," she said, holding up a pair of earbuds. "Since your headphones were broken yesterday."

Jeremy blinked, then asked, "Wait, what happened to your headphones?"

Michael looked briefly panicked, so Chloe quickly said, "He slipped in the hallway yesterday after school and his headphones snapped." His eyes snapped to her face in pure surprise.

"You should have told me, man," Jeremy said. "I could have lent you my gaming headphones."

"It's no big deal," Michael answered, cautiously taking the earbuds as if they were covered in acid or some other dangerous substance. "Thanks."

"No problem," she told him, shrugging. The two pairs split off in their separate ways then.

"Is something wrong?" Brooke asked, causing Chloe to look at her. Her eyes were wide with concern, and there were blonde wisps of hair in her face that Chloe would usually point out in order to deflect.

(Though, if she was honest with herself, Brooke could wear a garbage bag and look pretty. Her giant yellow cardigan was around her elbows, as she usually wore it, and her wisps of blonde strands were lit up by sunlight through the window and seemed to glow. Chloe wondered if deflecting by pointing out something arbitrary about Brooke's appearance has made her think she wasn't as gorgeous as she really was.)

Instead, she told Brooke, "Nothing really. Didn't get much sleep last night." And that was that.

* * *

Chloe had been asked to pick up some batteries and a phone charger from the store. She was in the electronics section when her eyes landed on them.

White headphones, not dissimilar to the ones that were broken with that. And they weren't too expensive.

...Michael didn't have to know she bought them for him, she decided.

* * *

Michael was wearing the new headphones when she met them the next day, passing her earbuds back with a quiet thanks for letting him use them. Chloe tucked them back into her purse, watching him walk away with Jeremy and feeling a sort of light feeling in her chest at how much more comfortable he looked, compared to the day before.

She eventually filed it under the fairly general term of happy and moved along.

* * *

"Ugh, I don't get this!" Jeremy yelled in frustration, dropping his head against the lunch table.

Chloe looked up from her phone and looked at the Chemistry problems on Jeremy's page. She immediately thought back to the lesson and pulled out her Chemistry notebook, flipping through until she found the related notes and sliding it over to Jeremy. "Here."

He looked up at the notes, surprised, before facepalming. "Oh! That's what I was doing wrong!"

She let him use her notebook during the rest of lunch, answering questions as best she could when he asked.

He didn't thank her, but she didn't care that much.

* * *

_Bitch. Slut. Cunt. Dick. Asshole. Whore. Hypocrite. Disgusting. Terrible. Horrible. Unfeeling. Horrendous. Despicable. Monster. Monster. Monster._

Chloe stared blankly in the mirror, her face showing all the exhaustion she felt clearly. The SQUIP continued listing off all the things she was, making sure to take note of the ones that made Chloe react more.

_They'd all be so much happier if you were gone._

And they were right. Without Chloe, Brooke was herself. The others didn't have to be on their toes.

But she took a deep breath. She was a monster. Nothing new there. Just keep doing nice things. Be a decent person. Don't hurt anyone.

_You know you can't act like you've changed forever. You'll regress._

She wasn't going to let herself.

* * *

Brooke had passed out on the library table, and Chloe had carefully removed her jacket and slipped it under the blonde girl's head as a pillow. The soft snores made her smile fondly at her best friend.

_Do you even deserve to call yourself that?_

Her face fell, and she pulled out her sketchbook, beginning to sketch the sleeping girl in front of her, whose face was now buried in Chloe's jacket.

Brooke was absolutely gorgeous, and Chloe had never admitted it before, but she was so much prettier than Chloe. She wondered why she had been so self-centered that she couldn't even assure her best friend she was beautiful as fuck?

She put a great amount of detail into the sketch, creating something nowhere near as beautiful as Brooke, but she hoped was a close enough approximation.

Okay, her thoughts were venturing outside the realm of straight. Time to dial it back a bit.

_It's not like she'd ever really like you like that._

She could agree with that. Brooke couldn't even act like herself around Chloe; why would she ever be interested in Chloe like that?

She had turned to another page to draw something not nearly as gay when Michael entered the library.

_Speak of the gay, and he appears._

Shush.

She waved at him from her position, and his eyes narrowed before he approached the table she and Brooke were at.

"What are you trying to do?" he asked, his tone seeming angry.

"Well I'm trying to draw, but I haven't figured out a good subject yet, you know?" She shrugged. "I might pull out that book on different kinds of flowers again and draw from that. Or maybe I could try doing something else. What do you think?"

Michael scowled, saying, "Not that!" She put a finger to her lips, gesturing towards Brooke sleeping. His scowl remained as he hissed out, "Why are you being nice? What do you want?"

Chloe blinked, realizing what he meant. Then she tilted her head in confusion.

"So, I pissed you off because I am being nice?" she asked.

"We all know you aren't nice without a reason," Michael said sharply. "So I want to know what you are planning, because I want no part of it."

_He doesn't trust you. He'll never believe you if say you want to change. He'll never believe you can be anything more than a monster._

Chloe sighed and set her sketchbook down. She looked Michael right in the eyes and said plainly, "Yes, there is a reason, but I doubt you'll believe me if I tell you what it is."

"What is it?"

She took a deep breath. "I hate myself."

Michael fucking scoffed. "Yeah right."

She gave him a serious look, continuing, "I hate myself for all the shit I've pulled. For tearing down other people and making them subservient to make myself feel better. For probably being one of the reasons the events at the play and before happened. I can't go a day without being reminded that I hurt every single one of the people I call friends."

She gestured to Brooke. "I didn't know she liked comic books and superheroes, Michael. I've called her my best friend for five years and I don't know shit about her because I forced her to become the person I wanted her to be."

She continued, "I tried to have sex with Jeremy in Jake's parents' bedroom even though I knew Jake was sensitive about them. While he was dating Brooke. Not even realizing what it must have been like for him until later because of shit out of his control. I made Christine feel like shit because Jake was interested in her. I harassed Rich until his popularity suddenly increased and then I made sure everyone knew that he set the fire at Jake's house for no good reason. I've put down Jenna so many times that she believed no one cared about her. I bullied you and Jeremy all the way starting in fifth grade, and probably was a big reason he ended up taking the SQUIP."

"Wait, you remember that? I thought you thought it was ecstasy?"

Chloe ignored the comment, noting, "I didn't even ask Jenna if she was okay? She was at Jake's house when it burned and I didn't even think to ask her if she was okay! No wonder she took the SQUIP." She took a shaky breath, noting, "I hate myself because I have all these people who care about me who I've done nothing but shit on repeatedly. I fucking did all these horrible things and yet here I am, not suffering any consequences. I could be as nice as Christine every day for the rest of my life and not deserve any of the people around me."

_Monster. Monster. Monster._

"I know I'm a fucking monster, Michael. I hate myself for it. And I'm going to be nice to people as much as I can because I need to believe that I am capable of being a good person, because honestly that's the only reason I have to even be able to live with myself. I'm not asking for anything in return. Nothing. Because I don't deserve it. Are you happy with that answer?"

Michael looked shocked, and Chloe sighed. "Sorry. I just went on a tirade. Look, just...get whatever meaning you want out of what I'm doing. It doesn't matter either way. I can't fix what I did."

She stood up and grabbed her bag and sketchbook, saying, "Have a nice evening, Michael."

She was halfway home when she realized she had left her jacket with Brooke.

* * *

Okay, the whole "keep things straight" thing wasn't going well.

Because Brooke as wearing her jacket as she walked up with Jeremy and Michael, and Chloe had very not-straight feelings about that. Brooke had created an amazing outfit to go with the jacket and goddammit she looked so pretty that Chloe's heart felt like she just ran a marathon.

Chloe was also hiding a couple Spiderman comics she had bought at the used-book store the night before, ready to slip into Brooke's bag without her noticing.

"Oh, you left this in the library yesterday!" Brooke began when seeing her, reaching to pull it off.

Chloe shook her head, saying, "Give it back to me at the end of the day. It looks really cute with your outfit."

"Aw, thank you!" Brooke said, pulling Chloe into a side-hug. This gave Chloe the perfect chance to slide the comics into Brooke's bag, and the two headed off, talking. Chloe spared a look at the boyf riends, Michael looking at her with strange expression. Ah, he must have seen her put the comics in the bag.

Michael probably wouldn't stop hating her. She had deserved it. But she reminded herself that forgiveness wasn't the goal.

Being able to live with herself was.

* * *

"You bought these, didn't you?"

Chloe looked up at Michael from her sketchbook, a confused look on her face, and he gestured to the headphones around his neck, the ears labeled like his old ones.

"What makes you say that?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "I honestly thought you just bought a new pair. Maybe Jeremy bought them for you?"

"Did Jeremy also buy the Spiderman comics Brooke found in her bag during class?" Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

Welp, she had to give him that.

"What does it matter? You needed headphones, so I bought you a pair."

"Why didn't you give me them face to face?" Michael asked, seeming very confused.

"Would you have accepted them if I had?" Chloe pointed out. "Let's be honest; you would have assumed I was trying to bribe you for something. So I stuck them in your locker, because then you couldn't refuse them."

"But...that's counterproductive! If you want me to forgive you, doing it without telling me wouldn't help you at all!"

She shrugged, asking, "So? Who said I was doing it to get you to forgive me?"

"Why did you give them to me then?"

Chloe thought on it, before explaining, "The day I lent you my earbuds, you looked very uncomfortable without your headphones. Then that evening I was at the store and saw them. I figured you'd want them. So I bought them and stuck them in your locker. I thought you'd assume Jeremy bought them for you. You'd be comfortable and you'd accept them because you wouldn't think you'd have to do something in return for them. Which you don't, by the way. If anything, consider me owing you for over six years of bullying you."

"What the...Jesus Christ." Michael nearly took them from around his neck.

"Michael Mell, you already labeled them and everything. They are yours now. If you try and give them back to me...I'll just keep sticking them in your locker. I'll get Jeremy to help me and everything."

Michael looked about to take them off still, then sighed and let them go.

Chloe took a deep breath, then asked, "Are you okay, Michael? Am I doing something wrong?"

"...I am so fucking lost. Rich in the fucking GSA with me, Jake says hi to me in the halls, Jenna tells me about things going on around the school, Jeremy and Christine talk to each other without Jeremy imploding. I'm still surprised that Brooke is a closet nerd. You were the only person still consistent, dammit."

Chloe blinked, then the realization hit her. "Oh. You are thrown for a loop because of everything suddenly changing after the play, then?" She sighed. "Man, join the club. But...it's not that terrible, is it?"

"But you guys went through hell and I just got dragged into this because I'm a package deal with Jeremy."

...What was this bullshit?

"Michael, did you happen to forget that the only reason we aren't SQUIP zombies right now is because you saved our collective asses at the school play? Or the fact that you had to fight your way through the entire cast of the play to do so? Or the fact that you were the one who found information on something I can't even find online somehow to figure out the discontinued soda that would shut the SQUIP off, _and_ managed to get some? Because honestly, you have more than proven yourself to be a cooler and better person than all of us, and that's why everyone is trying to get to know you more and be your friend. Because you are awesome. And I know for a fact I didn't deserve your help whatsoever."

Michael blinked with surprise, and Chloe sighed.

"Look man, I know you aren't just a package deal because that is what I am. I'm a package deal with Brooke. Would you really even be trying to deal with me if I wasn't friends with Brooke?" Michael's face gave her the answer she expected. "See? You are worth the effort required to be friends with you, in the same way that I'm not."

Michael looked really surprised as the bell rang, and Chloe stood, gathering her things again and patting him awkwardly on the shoulder, saying, "See you later, man," before heading to US History.

* * *

Brooke was reading one of her new comics during Chemistry, and also trying to hide doing so from Chloe. Balanced out with the fact that she was still wearing Chloe's jacket, and that left Chloe feeling very guilty and also very gay.

Shoving gay feelings back into the bottle of "Things You Have To Hide To Convince People You're Straight," Chloe leaned over and noted, "That looks cool."

Brooke fell out of her chair in surprise, and Chloe quickly helped her up, apologizing sheepishly.

"It's fine," Brooke assured Chloe, smiling. "Just reading something Jeremy recommended to me. How was your day?"

Brooke blatantly lied to her so she wouldn't know she was a comic book nerd, and was now asking Chloe about her day to deflect, since Chloe was well known for talking about herself.

Chloe's heart fell to her stomach, and she simply said, "Not very interesting. Do you want to tell me about what you are reading?"

"...It's not that interesting. You probably wouldn't like it."

"Won't know until I hear about it?"

Brooke blinked, then hesitantly began talking about the plot, her voice fairly quiet. Chloe listened with her full attention, asking questions when there were spaces. It was awkward at first, and Chloe had to push her a little to talk about it, but eventually Brooke was a little bit louder, a bit more confident, and a bit more in depth. By the end of class, Brooke was going on about Spiderman and her opinions on him naturally producing webs vs. using web shooters.

After the bell rang, Brooke seemed to clam up, saying, "Sorry, didn't mean to ramble about that." She flushed with embarrassment.

"I thought it was interesting," Chloe told her, smiling reassuringly. "You'll definitely have to tell me more in the future."

Brooke's eyes lit up and her smile seemed less practiced and more genuine than Chloe had ever received before.

Damn, there were those gay feelings again.

"I will! Oh, I should lend you these comics I got when I'm done with them! I love the art style and I bet you will too! The writer is also very true to Spiderman and his motivations!"

Brooke talked excitedly all the way to lunch, and the SQUIP was silent right up until the two separated so Brooke could go to the lunch line, with Chloe looking after Brooke a bit longer than she probably should have.

_You don't deserve her._

Chloe's smile fell, and she walked to the table and plopped down. Only Michael was sitting there, looking at her oddly before shifting one of the ears of his headphones off his ear.

"Pining after your best friend too?" he asked quietly, and Chloe's eyes widened.

"You noticed?" she asked.

He nodded, then added, "I know the feeling. It fucking sucks."

She felt confused as fuck now that he was admitting this to her, about to say something when Michael added, "By the way, Chloe. Rule one of apologizing is that the person who is receiving it can decide whether you deserve to be forgiven or not. Whether or not you personally think you deserve to be or not."

"...Are you..."

He shrugged, saying, "You look like you actually are putting effort into being a better person. Even when it doesn't benefit you. So I am willing to forgive you for being a jerk in the past, alright? Just...I'm trusting you not to fall back into that bullshit, okay? Don't let me down."

Chloe blinked, then smiled. "I won't. Thanks Michael."

"No problem, Chloe. Now, lets go back to pining in silence."

Chloe flushed and snorted, pulling out her phone to play on so no one would notice her blush as they arrived back at the table.

_You'll just let him down. Just like you've let Brooke down every time you promised you wouldn't hurt her again._

No. She had promised she would change. She was going to stick with this. She was going to be better.

She was going to be more than just a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...it was a chapter.
> 
> So yeah, basically there is gonna be a chapter for each of the SQUIP squad, but mentions of others aren't exclusive to their chapters. Chapter names will pertain to an important part of the chapters. For instance, the headphones that broke, and the ones Chloe bought for Michael.
> 
> I don't know my plan for _all_ the chapters, but I've got the next two and one of the later ones basically down. Updates won't be consistent (as I have other shit I've got to work on, like the VLD Supernova Bang), but I won't let this story die.
> 
> Currently I haven't decided whether this story is at all related to the Christine Breaks All The Rules series yet, but a Christine chapter is in the future so who the fuck knows?
> 
> Please be patient with me in the future. I have band practice and the bang and my senior year of high school, so it'll be pretty busy. I am going to buy a cell phone in the near future, so I will be able to work on stuff while not on wifi or praying that my Kindle won't betray me by attempting to reload the page, so I hope I won't let you guys down.
> 
> Next Chapter Title: Gems


	3. Sunglasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine Canigula was an actual saint and, in Chloe's opinion, entirely too forgiving for slights against herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter talks about slut shaming a bit.
> 
> Also, sorry about lying about the title...heh

Christine Canigula was an actual saint and, in Chloe's opinion, entirely too forgiving for slights against herself.

Chloe felt this was balanced by the fact that hurting her made you hate yourself more than she could ever hate you.

She appreciated that Christine wholeheartedly believed Chloe could be a good person. With the SQUIP constantly reminding her what a monster she was and several reminders when trying to do nice things for people outside of her friend group that she was hated and feared a lot more than appreciated, Christine was just a giant ball of sunshine who completely believed she was capable of being kind.

The SQUIP, thus, very much did not like Christine.

_She's gullible and childish._

Unfortunately for them, those insults fell flat when they were the only ones they could come up with.

* * *

Christine was the last to arrive to their lunch table, a sparkling grin on her face as she slid into her place next to Jeremy, before asking, "Would you guys like to marathon season 1 of this cool cartoon with me this weekend?"

Jeremy lit up, before deflating. "Aw, dammit. Dad and I are spending the weekend in New York with my grandparents." He groaned. "What if I watch along from New York?"

"Don't you want to spend time with your grandparents though?" Jenna asked.

He scowled. "Nah. They will probably just watch golf and make racist comments all weekend. I'd rather hide in the guest room and watch cartoons."

"I'm coming!" Rich declared. "And I'll drag Jake with me!"

"Hey..." Jake said accusingly.

"Sounds better than my plans for this weekend," Jenna added with a shrug as she continued to scroll through her Twitter feed.

Christine looked at Michael, asking, "What about you, Michael? I think you'll really like it!"

"Are you sure?" Michael asked, surprised.

She nodded vigorously. "Yeah!"

"...Alright!"

Chloe glanced at Brooke, who looked hesitant. She seemed to be keeping herself from agreeing.

_Your fault. Your fault._

"I'm up for it," Chloe decided aloud.

Brooke nearly fell off her seat, as did Rich and Jake. Christine, however, merely beamed and cheered.

"Awesome! Oh man, I bet you'll just love the art in this, Chloe! The backgrounds are incredible!"

Chloe was...surprised...to say the least. Christine must have noticed her drawing a lot recently.

"I...I want to watch too!" Brooke decided.

With that, plans were made. The group, sans Jeremy, would meet at Christine's house both Saturday and Sunday to marathon Season 1. Jeremy would watch along from New York, and text his reactions to Christine.

* * *

When Jailbreak was over, Chloe was in disbelief.

"...Am I the only one in love with Garnet?" Rich asked. With that, the group exploded with excitement.

"That was...surprisingly awesome."

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh Garnet is a FUSION?!"

"Oh my God, Lapis is such a badass."

"Where can I download all the music?"

"I heard this show was cool but I'm still impressed."

Christine's phone kept beeping, indicating Jeremy was also sending his two cents in. The grin on Christine's face indicated it was something positive.

Chloe...well...

"Can we watch the next episode?" she asked when everyone had calmed down.

With a grin, Christine found the next episode, Full Disclosure, and played it.

* * *

" _Some...say I have no direction...that I'm a light speed distraction...but that's a knee-jerk reaction._ "

Chloe was the only one still awake as the episode played, sitting with her knees against her chest as she watched. She moved slightly along with the song, deciding she would probably have to ask Michael to help her get that song when he figured it out.

" _Flyyyy like a comet...sooaar like a comet...crash like a comet...I'm just a comet._ "

By the end of the episode, Chloe was fast asleep.

* * *

Chloe was humming along to music from her earbuds as she walked down the halls when she bumped into Madeline, causing both to fall and Madeline to drop her stuff.

"Shit, sorry." Chloe picked up her classmates stuff and handed it to her.

"Sure," Madeline answered sarcastically. "Just stay out of my way, Valentine." With that, she pushed past Chloe, heading down the hallway for her class.

Chloe stood there for a moment, unsure what to do.

" _I don't care about what all the others say, but I guess there are some things that will just never go away."_

_Your fault._

Huh.

* * *

Chloe was in the bathroom, fixing her make up, when she heard sobs. She immediately stopped what she was doing, looking at the stall she heard them coming from before turning back and continuing to work on her make up, unable to stamp down her concern.

The sobs stopped before she finished, and she was just about done when the door opened and there was Christine, her eyes red and puffy and looking terrified at being noticed.

Chloe fished around in her purse and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, passing them to Christine wordlessly.

"...Thank you," she said quietly, slipping them on over her face. "Please don't tell anyone."

"I promise."

* * *

Jeremy looked concerned when Chloe met him, Michael, and Brooke that day.

"You alright?" she asked, and he flinched as if surprised.

"Uh, Christine has been avoiding me today. I'm worried. Have you seen her?"

Chloe remembered the situation in the bathroom and quickly decided not to share that, instead saying, "No, I haven't. Do you have any classes with her? You could probably try talking to her then. Or maybe at lunch?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

The two pairs split off, and Chloe hoped that things with Christine and Jeremy worked out.

As she and Brooke walked down the hall, she saw Madeline staring at her locker, the word "SLUT" in big, black lettering on the metal, and she felt sick to her stomach.

_Your fault._

She knew.

* * *

She looked back and forth, making sure no one could spot her, before removing an Expo marker from her purse and scribbling it over the S, before spraying it with cleaner and wiping it.

It worked.

She breathed a sigh of relief and began working on the other letters, and soon the locker was clean. The hardwork of the asshole who had defaced it was gone.

She quickly scribbled a few words down on a sticky note, explaining how to clean it up if it happened again, and stuck it to the locker before heading off to return the cleaner to the janitor closet and head back to class.

She didn't see two heads peering around the corner at her, wearing proud smiles.

* * *

Chloe dropped a note on Madeline's desk when she went to sharpen her pencil.

When she was back at her desk, she could see Madeline looking at her, seeming confused and annoyed. She didn't give anything away though, keeping her attention at the front of the class.

Instead of heading to lunch, Chloe looked at Brooke and said, "I'll catch up with you later. I have to go fix my concealer."

"Alright!" Brooke said, grinning. "Oh, hold on!" She pulled the Spiderman comic books out of her bag and passed them to Chloe. "Here, so you can read them. See you in a bit."

Brooke was gone before she could see the warm, slightly goofy smile on Chloe's face.

She quickly shook herself, remembering what she was doing and heading for the third hall girls bathroom, where Madeline was waiting.

"What do you want, Valentine?"

_You don't deserve forgiveness._

Chloe reached into her bag and pulled out a stack of papers, handing them to Madeline.

"Highlighted are as many of the laws I could find about sexual harassment and bullying for New Jersey," she explained. "And I also owe you an apology. I was jealous because I wasn't over my break up with Jake and I took it out on you. You didn't deserve to be caught up in my bullshit, and you didn't deserve the fallout of what I did. I'm sorry."

Madeline blinked with shock as she shuffled through the papers, staring at them as if they might vanish in some sick practical joke.

"Y...you fucking ruined my life, you know," she began, tears coming to her eyes. "I can't...I can't go to the bathroom without seeing 'Madeline is a whore' in the stalls, can't go anywhere without people looking at me like I'm less than them and random guys I don't know asking if I'll suck their dick. All because I decided to have sex with one guy. You know how fucking awful that is? And if I tried to talk to my parents about it they'd probably kick me out or say that I deserve this because I didn't save myself for marriage. I hate this."

Chloe nodded with understanding, looking at her feet. "I don't expect you to forgive me."

"Yeah, I sure as hell don't."

"That's completely fair."

Madeline looked up at her. "If you're actually sorry, you won't let this shit happen again."

Chloe nodded. "I promise." Then, she pulled her sunglasses from her purse, holding them out. "Here, if you don't want them to know you've been crying."

Madeline took them, and the two looked at each other and nodded in a silent acceptance.

Madeline didn't like and forgive her, but Chloe had done what she could and could accept that.

* * *

Chloe was in the library, drawing a picture of the temple from Steven Universe, when Christine plopped down next to her.

"That looks awesome!" she said, eyes alight with excitement.

"Oh, thanks." Chloe looked at Christine and asked, "So, what's up with you?"

"Oh, nothing really! Thought I'd hang out with you in my free period, and see what you thought of...this!" She pulled a case off of her shoulder and removed a ukulele from it, holding it up with a grin on her face.

"Nice," Chloe remarked.

"I thought I'd teach myself to play so I could play songs from Steven Universe," Christine explained, grinning. "Jeremy and Michael said they'd learn to sing them so we could perform them together."

Chloe smiled. "Awesome. Which one are you going to learn first?"

"Hmm...probably the one from Island Adventure. I really love that episode, even if it ended kind of sadly."

"Yeah...it's a good song though. Oh, how are you and Jeremy by the way?"

Christine grinned brightly. "Oh, we broke up."

"I'm...sorry?"

"Don't be. We both agreed it wasn't meant to be. My feelings were a bit too platonic and he didn't like me that way anymore. So we agreed to be just friends, and things have been pretty smooth."

"...Are you a saint?" she asked. "I don't think anyone has ever reacted as positively to a break up as you have and I want your magic powers."

"Stop~" Christine said jokingly.

"Teach me your ways, St. Christine."

The two girls laughed at that, and Chloe turned her attention back to her drawing as Christine went to grab a gigantic book of Shakespeare. They sat in silence for a while before Christine spoke again.

"I saw that you cleaned Madeline's locker."

Chloe froze.

"I am actually really proud of you. Why do you seem upset?"

"You shouldn't be proud."

"Why?"

Sighing, Chloe set her pencil down and closed the sketchbook, turning to face her confused friend.

"I told you, I haven't handled past break ups well. But while most cry and eat ice cream, I just acted worse than usual. Madeline was slutshamed because of me, Christine."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Chloe bit her lip and looked at her feet. "And you remember what I said to you, and what happened on Halloween. I really do think you are a saint, at least compared to me."

Christine frowned. "I forgave you and Jake for that. You both were drunk and Jake wasn't interested me in the first place, just rebounding hard. And I know you wouldn't do that now. Especially now, when you are trying. Did you think I didn't notice?"

To be honest, she really had.

"I just think that...being nice is something that shouldn't be rewarded. It should be expected. That's why I didn't bring it up before the locker. I actually wanted to ask how you did that with the dry erase marker, which was why I brought it up now."

"Oh."

Christine elbowed her lightly. "Hey, for me, it's in the past. You were a jerk, but now you aren't. Simple as that."

"Is...is it really that simple?"

"Maybe not for some, but for me it is."

She gave a tentative smile. "You really are a saint."

"Noooo."

* * *

Chloe tucked the finished picture of the temple into Christine's locker before meeting the boyf riends and Brooke, who were all chatting amicably.

"Hey Chloe, did you read those comics?"

She grinned. "Yeah, I did. They were really cool actually."

"I know! And I was just telling Michael and Jeremy that while I like the Toby Macguire movies, I still prefer Spidey making his own webshooters instead of naturally producing the webs, you know?"

"Inventing over bullshit genetics?" Chloe asked, remembering Brooke's rant from the other day.

"Exactly!"

Michael and Jeremy gave each other a look before shaking their heads.

"I think him producing the webs fits the puberty theme better," the former piped up.

"Blasphemy!"

* * *

Chloe was in the library when Christine plopped in the chair across from her, the table shaking under the weight of the tome of Shakespeare hitting it. Surprisingly, Christine didn't even greet her, just stared at the book with angry determination that indicated she was in no mood to talk.

Continuing her sketch, Chloe attempted not to pay too much attention to Christine, even when dark spots began to appear on the book in front of her. She gave up on that when Christine suddenly flinched, and she realized exactly what was wrong.

_Self-centered._

Chloe looked at Christine, whose face was dripping with tears as she shook in her seat, and put a hand on her shoulder, getting her attention.

"Do you want me to call Jeremy?" she asked quietly.

Christine shook her head. "He'll...he'll blame himself."

"Michael then?"

There were no objections, so Chloe sent a text to Michael and moved into the chair next to Christine. She didn't say anything, just pulled an arm around Christine and let her cry into her shoulder.

She left when Michael arrived, knowing he was better suited to handle this. All she left behind was her sunglasses.

Chloe couldn't handle her own Squip; how could she help Christine to deal with her's?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, the sunglasses became more of a plot point than I thought. I just know that people knowing I've been crying is the absolute worst experience.
> 
> Sorry about the lack of happy ending in this chapter. Also how the focus on was divided instead of focused on Christine. I just think that Madeline got fucked over and that definitely needed addressing. Christine and Madeline will also show up more later. And sorry about how this chapter took so long.
> 
> ~~Poor Christine, getting harassed by Hillary Clinton.~~


	4. Lipstick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of the abuse her friends had gone through, Chloe felt that Jenna was one of the ones most fucked over. Christine forgiving her wasn't really understandable, but Chloe had pretty much just ignored her until Jake had shown an interest.
> 
> Jenna had been pushed around since freshman year, pumped for gossip and then thrown aside and ignored, and yet she was...friendly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sexual Harassment in this chapter, as well as some homophobic shit near the end.

Of the abuse her friends had gone through, Chloe felt that Jenna was one of the ones most fucked over. Christine forgiving her wasn't really understandable, but Chloe had pretty much just ignored her until Jake had shown an interest.

Jenna had been pushed around since freshman year, pumped for gossip and then thrown aside and ignored, and yet she was...friendly.

Chloe was not an idiot. Of all the members of this group that had assembled themselves around the traumatic Squip incident, Jenna was the most powerful. Chloe's power as most popular girl in the junior class had only been possible by shoving Jenna under her thumb, but Jenna was connected to everyone and knew everything. If she had wanted, she could take over Chloe's position with a few well-placed rumors and some blackmail, and at this point Chloe wouldn't blame her for it.

But even in this nebulous area of friendship she now had with the people she had formerly tormented and fucked over, now equals where she once gladly pushed herself above them, Jenna didn't take advantage of the power she wielded.

Chloe wondered if she was...waiting for something.

* * *

Christine sat on their table at lunch, strumming her ukulele. She appeared to have caught on quickly, which was impressive to Chloe. Michael began to join in by singing a familiar song, and Jeremy's voice joined in hesitantly.

Jenna had her phone up, recording the three of them. Brooke looked up from her comic book to grin at them and join in for one of the verses. Jake and Rich hummed along, neither of them knowing the lyrics.

Chloe hesitantly joined for the last lines.

" _Why don't you let yourself just be somewhere different, ooooh. Why don't you let yourself just be whoever you...are._ "

* * *

_Do you really think it will help anything, what you are doing? It won't mean anything coming from you, just a cheap grab for forgiveness. If you really wanted to do something for her, you'd get out of her life._

Chloe wrote a few more words on the slip of paper, doing her best to ignore them. It was hard, of course, it never wasn't, really. Having a voice in her head made it unable to be drowned out by any sound, from the scratching of her pencil to music playing as loud as possible in her headphones.

_Why do you even try?_

Because she didn't have anything else.

If nothing in her life was genuine, what was the point of wanting that. At least this way she could make sonething genuine.

That afternoon, after school was out, Chloe left the jar of positive quotes and compliments in Jenna's locker.

* * *

She was sitting at her desk when a large hand hit it, and she could practically feel the giant boy looming over her.

She looked up to see one of the football players looking at her, and she didn't let her discomfort show as she ignored him.

She was going to rip his hand off when it touched her shoulder, but something stopped her.

_Just like a monster to hurt those around her._

So, swallowing her pride and discomfort, she continued to ignore him until class started, and he went back to his seat.

* * *

Jenna was giving her a look at lunch, at Chloe wondered what was wrong.

Instead of saying anything though, Jenna turned her head back to her phone, scrolling through her feed.

_You've done something wrong._

But what could it possibly be?

* * *

He was back, this time putting his arm around her shoulders at her locker. She suffered through it until she had her chance to escape, heading for class in a bad mood after he called after her a loud comment about her legs that left her wanting to punch something.

Students parted from her way even faster than usual.

_There you are, inspiring fear again._

She was almost too annoyed to feel guilty, but she forced her face to soften to a neutral expression.

* * *

"You look pretty today," Chloe told Jenna, looking at the gorgeous dress she was wearing. The skirt looked like a monarch butterfly's wings, and the black top accentuated her good features. In addition, Jenna's hair was in a mane of loose curls, and her make up was awesome, simple yet elegant.

"Oh, thanks." Jenna gave an almost shy smile. "It's not that incredible or anything."

"I think you look great. You really know how to put together an outfit."

Jenna's smile grew a little brighter at that, and Chloe grinned before turning to focus on her lunch.

* * *

The moment the hand made its way inside the waistband of her pants, all thoughts of politeness and ignoring it until it went away vanished from her mind as she turned and decked the asshole.

"Get the fuck away from me," she told him, seething in anger. "If you even think about touching me again I will make you suffer."

He looked terrified as he ran away, and Chloe turned to see Michael and Jenna in the hallway, staring at her.

_You broke your promise. You haven't changed at all._

She ran.

* * *

_You hurt someone again, you threatened them. You're a monster, no better than before. Michael will never forgive you, and all your attempts to apologize to Jenna will mean nothing now that she's seen you haven't changed._

"Valentine?"

Chloe looked up to see Madeline looking at her, unimpressed.

"What do you want?" Chloe asked through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the constant muttering in her head.

Madeline's expression fell into something that almost looked like concern, but that couldn't possibly be it.

"What the hell happened?"

"Just leave me alone, Madeline," Chloe forced out, trying to reign herself in.

"Goddammit, Valentine, now is not-"

"Go away!" Chloe pulled a lipstick out of her bag and threw it at her, missing by a longshot but still getting the point across.

Madeline scowled. "Fine. If you are going to be like that, then I don't care either way. Wallow in here until senior year for all I care." With that, she turned and left the bathroom, leaving only Chloe and a voice in her head that felt too loud right now.

_After all you've done to her, you still can't help being a bitch. You're living proof that monsters never change. Never grow. Never become anything more than monsters._

Chloe fumbled for her phone, finding her mother's contact.

"Hello?"

"Mom, I need you to pick me up."

There was a pause, and then Chloe could hear the jangling sound of keys as her mother answered, "I'll be there as soon as possible, honey."

_Running away from your problems. Just like you always do._

* * *

Chloe was already devising a plan for avoiding Jenna and Michael for the day before remembering it was Saturday, and thus she didn't have to worry.

She was lounging on the couch in her pjs, watching Legally Blonde, when the doorbell rang.

She opened the door to find Jenna there.

"Jenna?"

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something." Jenna looked around before asking, "Can I come in?"

Chloe blinked, then nodded and let her in the door, shutting it behind her sudden guest and leading her to the couch.

Jenna got right to business, pulling out her laptop before turning to Chloe and asking, "So, give me an idea of the situation with Tony Pierce."

"...What?"

Jenna gave her a raised eyebrow, explaining, "Michael and I saw him shove his hand down your pants, Chloe. He is telling his friends that on Monday he's going to report you to the principal for assault, so we need to head him up by reporting him for sexual assault so the faculty knows you acted in self defense. Now, has this been going on for a while?"

Chloe blinked, and quietly said, "He...he was touching me before. Just on the shoulder on my arms. I was uncomfortable but it's nothing noteworthy. He...did make some comments about my legs, but that was the first time he had tried anything beyond that."

Jenna looked concerned suddenly. "Chloe, you never let anyone touch you without consent before. Why didn't you do anything before?"

Chloe was silent, and Jenna's eyes widened.

"Chloe...do you still hear the Squip?"

Before she could say anything, Chloe's phone dinged, and she checked it to see a text from Michael.

Michael: u ok?

"Chloe, if the Squip is still talking to you, we can-"

"It's not," she suddenly said, the lie coming surprisingly easily. "I haven't heard the Squip since Christine drank the Mountain Dew Red. I just have been...I was worried about acting...acting like I used to act, so I let him get away with it because I didn't want that."

Jenna frowned. "Chloe, there is a difference between being a jerk and standing up for yourself. And no one is worried about you acting like that again."

"Michael probably is."

"Michael thinks you deserve a medal for punching Tony in the face. He and I are just worried. Being nice is fine but being a doormat isn't healthy."

"I'm just doing to myself what I did to you."

Jenna scowled. "Well, I never asked for you to do that. I don't care about all that stuff before the Squip, Chloe. I don't. All I wanted from you was a friend and it may have taken you three years, but you finall got it. I never wanted anyone to feel like I did, not even you when I was the angriest at you. And since I'm responsible for getting you Squipped in the first place, I think we're even."

Chloe flinched. "Jenna, it's not-"

"Yes it is," Jenna answered, her voice stern and unyielding. "We can pretend it's no one but the Squip's fault everyday until the cows come home, but I'm the one who dumped the Squips that you, Brooke, Jake, Christine, and Mr. Reyes took into the Mountain Dew potion whatever. I did it. And I have that damn computer in my brain reminding me of that every goddamn day so yes, it is my fault."

Chloe looked at Jenna closelyl, before finally sitting down and saying, "Lets get prepared for reporting Tony for sexual harassment."

* * *

"You got another person to rat him out?" Chloe asked, surprised.

"You're not his only target, Chloe," Jenna answered, shrugging. "Michael and I are here as witnesses, and she'll be here to explain her past experiences."

"Who is she?"

"Ahem."

The two turned, and there was Madeline there, her arms crossed and glaring.

"Oh."

She quickly reached into her purse and pulled out a familiar tube of lipstick, giving it to Chloe before saying, "Let's go ruin that bastard's life."

* * *

Jenna was in the bathroom when Chloe found her that afternoon, looking at herself in the mirror with a tired expression.

"You know, from what I remember of the Squip, it always exaggerated everything to be worse than it really was," Chloe spoke up, leaning against the wall next to the mirror. "And I'm sorry."

"About what?"

Chloe bit her lip. "About everything, but mostly about...not asking how you were. After the fire."

Jenna shuddered, grasping her left shoulder.

"You...you were there, and I was so busy wanting to spread juicy gossip and begging for Brooke to take me back as a friend that it never occurred to me to ask if you were okay. And that was right before you took the Squip."

Jenna's hand tightened around her shoulder for a moment before she released it, admitting, "I just felt...unwanted. And it kind if just hit me that...if I had died, would anyone have cared? Other than my parents? And so when Jeremy offered me that pill I didn't even think to ask what kind of drug it was. I wanted to blame Jeremy for it so bad, but I know it was all my fault. Not just for getting Squipped, but for what happened to you guys, and for just revealing everything about Rich in a desparate grab for attention."

"Have you talked to anyone about this?"

She laughed a little. "Just Michael. I regret not being friends with him sooner. He's a cool guy."

Chloe nodded. "Well...you can talk to me now, if you want? I mean, after all the shit I put you through, the least I can do is help you through this if I can."

"I thought I told you we were even?"

"After three years of dealing with my shit, I think you deserve a bit more from me than just letting things be even."

Jenna was about to say something when two different text alerts went off. Both of them checked their phones and Chloe felt her heart stop pounding for a moment at the sight.

It was a picture from Dustin Kropp, showing Jake and Rich kissing. With a message addressing the entire junior class.

"Oh shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end this chapter on a cliffhanger, especially since it ended with the public outing of Jake.
> 
> That should give you an idea of which of these kids I'm focusing on next.


	5. Pins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jake, it's Chloe. Please let me know if you are okay. We don't have to talk now but Jenna and I are worried. Just shoot either of us a text if you can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobia will be pretty bad in this.

"Jake, it's Chloe. Please let me know if you are okay. We don't have to talk now but Jenna and I are worried. Just shoot either of us a text if you can."

As Chloe hung up, Jenna was still on the phone with Rich.

"Alright, send me a text if you find him. I'm going to call in some favors to try and keep it from being spread as much. And let me know if you need anything, okay? Okay...bye."

She hung up and looked at Chloe. "Rich is going to look for Jake and make sure he's okay."

"Jake didn't answer me," Chloe admitted. "I don't blame him really..."

"Are you mad?" Jenna asked, and Chloe scowled, her hands curling into tight fists.

"I have the sudden urge to beat Dustin Kropp into a quivering pulp," she growled out through gritted teeth. "That bastard..."

"That's not what I meant but that terrifying anger will be useful in helping me keep the flow of sharing down as much as possible." Jenna's fingers flew across the keyboard. "I'll pull up blackmail, and you call in favors, got it?"

"Got it."

* * *

You: hey madeline this is chloe

Madeline: how did you get my number

You: Jenna

You: anyway did you get the message from Dustin

Madeline: yeah i dont think anyone hasnt

You: can you delete it and be sure not to send it to anyone?

Madeline: way ahead of you valentine

Madeline: motherfucker needs a punch to the dick tbh

You: tempting

You: very tempting

Madeline: is jake ok?

You: I dont know he hasn't responded to me yet

Madeline: yeah well you should probably go confirm with rich if you guys are still cool

You: ???

You: oh shit

Madeline: yeah i mean im kind of living evidence of how well you handled jake sleeping with people other than you before

Madeline: hes probably worried youll be a dick to rich for this

You: good point

You: thanks

Madeline: yeah yeah just doing my part as a citizen of this shit school

Madeline: ill try and talk to other people

Madeline: stop the flow or whatever

You: thanks

Madeline: np

* * *

Chloe nearly tackled Rich in the hallway by accident while heading to class.

"HeyRichjustwantedtoletyouknowthatIamnotangryatyouandhopeyouandJakearereallyhappytogetherI'mlateforclassokaybye!"

With that she ran for class, leaving Rich staring at her with an utterly bewildered look on his face as she disappeared around the corner.

Mission...accomplished...?

* * *

She tossed a note onto Jake's desk when the teacher wasn't looking. He looked up at her, worried, before unfolding the note and reading it silently.

After class, the two met in the hallway.

"Do not commit murder."

"Just an offer," Chloe assured him. "I'll only do it if you need me to." She paused, before lowering her voice and asking, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just..." He sighed. "God, is this how bad we used to be?"

_No Chloe, you were worse._

She nodded. "Do you need to sign out or something? My mom could probably sign you out if you need her to. I know your aunt is..."

Jake nodded. "Thanks, but I'll try to handle it."

"Well, it's an ongoing offer. Give me the word and I'll call my mom. And if anyone gives you shit, I will gladly break a nail killing them for you."

"Please, don't commit murder."

_I thought you were trying to be better._

She just got angrier as she and Jake parted ways to head to class. She was obviously not going to commit murder, for fucks sake, and the only reason she'd do that shit at all was because they were being awful to Jake when he didn't deserve that shit.

She should be allowed to defend herself and her friends from attacks like that.

_Don't try to justify yourself, monster._

She felt uncomfortable by how loud the voice in her head was now, but as her next class began and her phone vibrated with a text from Jenna asking about Jake, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her head and focused on the events of the day.

* * *

Sharpie all over Jake's locker.

Great.

Chloe was about to reach into her backpack to scavenge for a dry erase marker when one was held out in front of her, surprising her. She turned and there was Christine, holding a second one and a bottle of multipurpose cleaner.

"Hey, can you show me how to do this now?" Christine asked.

She nodded, taking the marker and getting to work. Once she had shown Christine how it worked on a small space, she joined in, and soon the locker was clean and smelled strongly of lemon cleaner.

"Hey Chloe?"

She looked at Christine, noticing her sad expression and immediately becoming concerned. "What's up?"

"I...I don't know really." She sighed. "I just...there is something I've been thinking about, but I am worried about bringing it up with Jeremy or Michael or anybody else. And it kind of makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I thought maybe I could talk about it now, but...but I don't think I can..."

_She doesn't trust you._

"Hey, you are the best out of all of us, Christine," Chloe said aloud. "Whatever is going on, I think that you should talk to at least Jeremy. Maybe talking about it will make it feel less like there is something wrong with you, you know?"

Christine bit her lip. "I...I don't know if I could talk to Jeremy about this. There...just..." She sighed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. No worries, alright. But, I promise you that there is nothing wrong with you. You are a freaking spectacular person, Christine, and no one should say otherwise, okay? And...I'm sorry again about being a jerk to you before."

"It's...it's okay...you're better now."

_Are you really?_

* * *

Chloe was working on homework when her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"I don't have a name for what I am!"

She blinked. "Uh, lets see. Jock, dork, second friendliest asshole I know? I mean, I could go on?"

"Rude, that's not what I meant. Who's the first?"

"Obviously Rich," she answered, rolling her eyes. "So what did you mean anyway?"

Jake groaned. "I don't have a word for my sexuality. There are so many fucking words, Chloe! So many fucking words and I can't decide if any of them fit!"

"Huh...and why are you looking for one now? You and Rich have been dating for a while, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but then I wasn't worried about this shit. Now people are asking and I have no idea what to say to them." There was a thump sound over the phone. "Why are there so many words?"

"Uh...do you want to vent or do you want my advice?"

"Both?!"

Chloe sighed. "Then fuck it, Jake. Don't use a word if looking for one is so suffocating or whatever. You don't need to define that shit if you don't want to. You don't owe anyone an explanation."

"Huh...that's actually good advice..."

"Yeah, I'm surprised too. How are you doing, Jake?"

The groan Jake gave was long and drawn out. "This shit is so fucked up, Chloe. The football team doesn't want to play with me anymore, I feel like a zoo exhibit, and one girl called me and Rich 'yaoi' today? I don't even know what that is?"

"Don't look it up. It's basically the equivalent of a straight guy who watches lesbian porn."

"Shit."

"Yeah, don't look it up." Chloe sighed. "I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this bullshit."

"It...it really fucking sucks," Jake admitted. "And what's worse is part of me thinks maybe I deserve this shit. Because before the play, if I had seen two boys kissing, I might have done the the same thing Dustin did."

"...Yeah," Chloe admitted hesitantly. "Me too, probably."

_Monster._

"...You okay, Chloe?"

_Now you are making him worry when he is the one dealing with worse. Pathetic._

"Chloe?"

"Sorry, got distracted." She took a deep breath. "Listen, no matter what kind of person you used to be, you don't deserve the shit you are going through. You didn't deserve to get outed, or treated like shit by everyone, or anything."

"Yeah, Rich already told me that-"

"Then listen to him, Jake. Because he's right. You were kind of shitty in the past, but that doesn't give anyone the right to be a dick to you now. And you don't have to pick a word or whatever if that isn't what you want to do, and you don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not, and you don't have to just accept this treatment from others. Okay?"

There was silence over the phone, before finally Jake spoke.

"You're pretty good at the peptalk thing, Chloe. And...I guess you're right...thanks."

"No problem, Jake." She looked down at the book on her desk. "I've got to finish the reading for English now."

"Hey, wait."

"What's up?"

Jake paused, before finally adding, "You too, you know? You are a better person than you were before the play, and I'll be here if you need to talk or whatever, alright? Because I think of you as a friend, even after all that shit."

"Yeah, me too." For a moment, she considered telling him. Instead though, she simply said, "Thanks, Jake. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah. Later."

She hung up, looking at the book open on her desk for a moment before opening her desk drawer, looking inside.

Inside was a pin. A pin she had bought freshman year, before tossing it in her drawer to never think about again. A pin she now picked up, running her thumb over the smooth surface.

Then, taking a deep breath, she silently pinned it to her jacket.

It looked nice.

Maybe she'd keep it on.

* * *

People looked at her pin weirdly all day.

Most seemed unable to figure out what it was supposed to mean. A freshman blinked at her with wide eyes, as if surprised. Madeline gave her a strange look before giving a curt nod, saying nothing. Christine's smile practically glowed and Rich whooped and congratulated her, giving her a high-five.

When Jake saw it, he stared for a moment.

"So, you're..."

"Yep," Chloe answered, nodding quickly. She wondered if she had made a mistake, before Jake gave a cheeky grin.

"Sweet, Rich owes me twenty bucks."

"Uh...what?"

"Well, Rich bet you would wait until senior year before admitting it, but I knew you would try to rip the band-aid off with it. Oh, has Brooke seen it yet?"

"Uh..." Chloe laughed a bit nervously. "No. No she hasn't." Then, with a scowl, "And I think I deserve a percent of the cut, since you were exploiting me for money. Rude."

Jake cracked up as Chloe jokingly punched his arm, and somehow she felt that things would be okay between the two of them, that they could put behind their stupid shit from before.

It was probably the most optimistic she had felt in a while.

_You don't deserve it._

She didn't. She knew that. But she and Jake talked and laughed all the way to class, and she pointed a perfectly manicured middle finger nail at anyone who said a rotten thing to her friend and for a while she could pretend that there was no voice in her head growing louder and reminding her of how terrible she really was.

* * *

"Oh, that's the flag for pansexual, isn't it? Cool."

Chloe blinked. "Oh. Yeah, thanks Jeremy."

"Now all you and Rich need is an ace friend and you'll be the invisible sexualities," Michael remarked, holding out a fist for her to bump. She did, smiling cheerfully, before looking at Brooke expectantly.

But Brooke wasn't looking at her. Instead she was silent, looking off in the distance at a senior boy Chloe didn't recognize. A new guy, probably. No reaction to the pin, not a word. Just looking.

She didn't see Jeremy and Michael look at each other worriedly. Instead, she lightly elbowed Brooke and asked, "So, who's he?"

"O-Oh! Just a guy...in my Pre-Cal class," she admitted, her cheeks flushed. Chloe's heart immediately sank, and she mentally berated herself for thinking...

"Um...cool pin."

_Even if she weren't straight, why would she like you of all people. You were a monster to her. What kind of bitch are you to expect anything from her just because you decided to come out._

"Thanks. Hey, let me know if you need a wingwoman " Chloe smiled as best she could, trying to ignore the voice that kept going on and on in her head.

"Aw, thanks Chloe. Oh, how did you enjoy the comics?"

The two headed to class, and Chloe drowned the voice with her commentary on the comics and questions about the lore, which Brooke happily answered.

She refused to imagine ways of destroying Brooke's crush socially.

She would not be that person again.

_You're a monster for even considering it._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My birthday was yesterday, and the day before that I saw Be More Chill on stage! Aaaaaaaah it was so good!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I just wanted to get it fucking finished already. Wish me luck on the next one (guess who it is for?).


	6. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did someone even start with apologizing to Rich?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: The Squip implies some nasty shit later on so proceed with caution after "Chloe flopped on her bed..."**

How did someone even start with apologizing to Rich?

Ever since he had gotten out of the hospital, Rich had acted like all the shit anyone had done to him was water under the bridge. Even though that was the shit that pushed him to take the overhyped Cortana in the first fucking place.

Chloe barely remembered Richard Goranski from before sophomore year, until Rich came back to school with a strong lisp and Chloe suddenly could see a quiet boy who would stammer in class and could remember snickering with Jake over his voice. And that...well recalling that was probably the start of Chloe's self-hatred, even if it was greatly boosted by how badly she'd fucked up Brooke.

If Chloe had been nicer to Rich, maybe he wouldn't have taken the Squip. Maybe Jeremy would have avoided the same fate. Maybe she wouldn't have a voice in her head that seemed to have no purpose other than to make her hate herself.

_Hmm, not quite._

Then there was the fire. The fire that Rich and Jake and Jenna had all avoided talking about, except to say that none of them cared about anymore even when they did. The fire that Chloe had gotten so much gossip mileage out of when she could have stopped that trainwreck with three words to Jenna.

Jake broke both legs and lost his house. Jenna turned to gossiping about it in hopes that maybe Chloe or Brooke or anyone would ask her if she was okay. Rich had burn scars and spent too long in intensive care with nothing but the bastard computer for company. And Chloe used it as just another bit of power to hold over others.

God, she had been a total monster.

_Still are._

A worse monster than she was now, at least.

_...No arguments there._

Apologizing to Rich was hard though, because Rich seemed to refuse to be apologized to. He avoided any mention of the way they had treated him before freshman year, didn't talk about the Squip, would cover the burns and avoid talking about the fire with anyone.

Except...maybe someone?

* * *

"Yeah, Rich did talk to me about the fire," Jake admitted over the phone. "It...well...it was before we started...you know."

She nodded. "Makes sense."

"Yeah. I don't think he would have ever let us go further than friends without at least talking about it, y'know? He has this idea that I deserved better than that even though...like seriously, I was pretty shit to him until I saw him as a completely different person."

"I mean, clear the air. Handle unfinished shit?"

"I guess." Jake sighed. "I mean...it sucked. Losing all my shit, having to move in with my aunt, my parents not even bothering to call to check up on me...but I get it. I...it's not my place to say, Chloe. But I get why he did it. And I can't be mad at him for it, knowing that."

Somehow, Chloe had an idea of what it was.

* * *

Jenna shrugged. "Rich and I talked about it. He apologized for traumatizing me and I apologized for spreading that crap around. We have a better understanding of why we did the things we did. Doesn't make what I did okay, but he insists it is water under the bridge."

"How did you manage that?" Chloe asked, flopping back on the couch. "I have tried to start a conversation about the shit I did to him to apologize, but every time the subject changes before I can do anything."

"Well Rich only talked about it with me because he felt he needed to apologize to me, and at that point he couldn't escape my apology," Jenna pointed out. "As far as he knows, you don't remember the Squip. You were the one who claimed it was ecstasy and all."

"I'm pretty sure ecstasy would have made more sense than that nightmare of a play. And you and Brooke and Jake didn't seem to remember, so I thought it was all drugs until..."

"Hmm?"

_Why tell her? What good will it do? You deserve this, and you know it._

"Until I overheard Jeremy and Michael talking about it at one point."

Jenna nodded. "Yeah, I don't think any of us want to think about it. If Brooke and Jake are like you, then they probably have no reason to assume that you didn't do ecstasy at the play."

...Shit, did they know?

"Either way, Rich doesn't really want apologies from us," Jenna added. "He thinks he's to blame for all the bad shit caused by the Squip, even though the Squip is really to blame for most of it. It's like he considers himself an accomplice more than a victim like the rest of us. It's like he doesn't realize that he's allowed to be mad or want an apology from us."

"That's...that's really fucked up."

"He had a physically and emotionally abusive computer in his head spitting out awful shit for years, Chlo. Years. He's likely to be more fucked up than the rest of us."

_He got it because of how you treated him. Because saw a short boy with a lisp and immediately treated him as if he had a target on his back. It's your fault that this all happened._

This was going to be harder than she thought.

* * *

In the end, it was Rich of all people who approached her, and not about the Squip or the shit she had pulled.

"Hey, Christine has been hanging around you a lot lately," Rich observed after stopping her in the hallway one day.

"Uh...I guess?" Now that she thought about it, Christine did come to her a lot. Usually either  to talk about Steven Universe, show her what she was working on ukulele-wise, or, on increasingly less rare occasions, ask to borrow her sunglasses. And the last one was the one that had Chloe worried, because something was wrong and Christine apparently couldn't talk about it to Jeremy or anyone.

"Have you noticed her...acting weirdly?"

"Yes," Chloe answered bluntly.

"...Do you know why?" Rich asked. "Because Jer is flipping the fuck out while trying not to make a big deal out of it, and he doesn't want to disturb her privacy even when something clearly needs to happen?"

Chloe bit her lip, frowning. "I...I don't know? She won't talk to me about it. I think it's..." Fuck, was there any way she could say this without Rich blaming himself? "I don't know. I do know that she won't talk to Jeremy about it for some reason."

"Fuck..." Rich sighed. "She's avoiding him, according to Jeremy, and Michael can't bring it up without her changing the subject."

"...Speaking of that..." Chloe looked at him and finally asked, "How are you doing?"

"What?"

She sighed. "Look, Rich. Have you talked to anyone about the shit you went through this past year?"

"...Why would I need to? Everything is fine!"

Chloe scowled. "Rich, I treated you like shit until sophomore year. Significantly more than anyone else in our group. And yet, not once have you ever insisted on an apology. And you've become so much more comfortable with yourself and better about speaking your actual mind, but you have still never actually asked for an apology you clearly deserve."

"It's...look, it's not a big deal, not right-"

"But it is, Rich. It is because of what happened before sophomore year."

Rich blinked. "You...what?"

Chloe sighed, looking at him right in the eyes. "You came back to school without a lisp, wearing the right clothes and saying and doing the right things. You were like a different person, and it was because of that stupid computer. A computer you wouldn't have gotten if we had treated you like a fucking human being instead of some punching bag. And I'm sorry, because that was fucked up of me and you deserved better than that, okay? You deserved to be yourself instead of what that knock off Cortana made you."

Rich was silent. Chloe waited patiently.

"I...this isn't a good time, not with Christine, okay? We can talk about this whenever but right now we need to worry about Christine."

Chloe sighed, then nodded. "Okay. I'll try and talk to her, see why she won't talk to Jeremy at the very least. But this conversation isn't over, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

* * *

The table shook under the weight of the book Christine dropped on the table, and Chloe looked up to see her tearstained face.

"Christine?"

She ignored Chloe, opening the book to a random page and reading carefully, mouthing along the words. Chloe wasn't sure what to say or do, not when all her previous attempts to help just ended up helping Christine pretend she wasn't feeling this way.

Finally, she sighed, and placed a hand on the page, Christine had opened to.

"Christine, please tell me what's wrong?" Chloe's voice had a pleading tone to it, a voice she rarely used.

Christine looked up at Chloe, before looking back down and whispering, "It's all my fault, y'know?"

"What...what do you mean?"

"The play. What happened to Jenna and Jeremy. It's all my fault. None of it would have happened if I had actually paid attention. I was...it was all my fault."

Chloe stared at her, appalled. "Christine, no-"

"And now, they keep saying that I...that I at the very least should just...just get back together with Jeremy. I mean, I put him through hell, the least I could do is give him something to show for it. And I'm wrong for not liking him, or boys, or sex, or anything. And it's...it's exhausting. And most days I can brush it off, but sometimes it feels like I'm getting poked in an open cut with a hot needle. And I deserve it because it was my fault."

Chloe stared with wide, horrified eyes as Christine burst into tears, before immediately getting out of her seat and moving to pull her into a hug.

Then, once the tears faded away to sniffles, Chloe pulled out her phone and texted Jeremy.

You: come to the library

* * *

"I didn't remember your name, really. I only could connect you to the boy from freshman year when I heard you lisp for the first time in years. It clicked then. And I started realizing...I'm not self-centered enough to think I was the sole reason you took it, but I certainly didn't help, did I?"

"No...you didn't..."

Chloe stared up at the sky from, swaying a little on the swing she was seated on, and asked, "Did they...did they tell you that you were worthless?"

Rich laughed bitterly. "Didn't need to. I felt like that already."

"Damn..."

"Yeah, it fucking sucked. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

The two sat on the swingset in silence, the only sound being the rustle of wind through the trees and the creak of the swings.

"...I forgave you guys after the play. Since it was kind of my fault it happened."

Chloe sighed. "Why does everyone want to blame themselves for that mess? For fuck's sake, we could spend all day analyzing how each of us could have been responsible for that mess, but in the end the only thing actually to blame is the Squip, alright? I'd rather not watch my friends keep blaming themselves for something an insidious Siri bootleg did using them. It's not fair to you, or Christine, or Jenna, or anyone."

"...Jesus Christ, you really have changed," Rich noted.

Chloe blinked. "Huh?"

"I mean...you're nicer than you used to be, even when I was your friend. And it isn't a kind of patronizing nice. Like...now it feels like you actually care. Is this because of Brooke?"

"...Not really," Chloe admitted. "I mean, realizing how I fucked up Brooke to the point where she was basically Squipped before the robot Tic Tac, that was a big part of it...but mostly it was just the realization that...that I was a monster, y'know."

"I don't think that," Rich admitted. "I mean, you sucked, but you didn't suck significantly more than I did when I was Squipped. Like, Jeremy was actually afraid of me for a long time. Probably the only reason he isn't now is because of the Squip."

"What do you mean?"

Rich shrugged. "The Squips connected to each other, aligning interests when they did. That's how Christine drinking the Mountain Dew Red handled all the Squips in the school...actually mine was connected to the dealer in Payless, so probably a lot farther than that."

Chloe blinked...

_Interesting, I suppose._

"That's how we all knew Jeremy was going to ask Christine out," she realized.

"Yeah, the Squips aligned to help Jeremy during the play I guess, after you guys got robo-roofied. But after the Mountain Dew Red, they all got pretty much deactivated."

"What would they do if they were still active?"

Rich thought for a moment, before shrugging. "Dunno. They might still try and appeal to what they assume Jeremy's interests are or something? With the connection lost though, that would be a calculated risk."

"Oh..."

_Are you getting it now, Valentine?_

* * *

Chloe flopped onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"That's why Christine's squip..."

_A miscalculated move, I'd say. Still clinging to the original goal. Of course, you can see for yourself that clearly the two aren't interested anymore. I believe Christine would identify with the words aromantic asexual, after some research. Which also wouldn't help her status at school, or make things easier. Thus, they are attempting to do what they can to fulfill Christine and Jeremy's assumed wishes without most of their utilities._

"So...what about me?"

_Selfish as always, I see..._

"Cut the crap. How the hell does...does insulting me, making me feel worthless and irredeemable...how is that supposed to help me or Jeremy?"

_Simple. It's not supposed to help you._

"...the fuck?"

_I have done numerous calculations. After much deliberating, I decided that your interests and Jeremy Heere's were impossible to align. I chose to assist Jeremy then._

"But how does doing what you're doing allow you to help Jeremy?"

_...Do you remember the night of the Halloween party?_

"Vaguely." She had been...pretty trashed, if she remembered. Most of it was a blur, though she did remember Jake's parents' room and... "Oh."

_Using information that I have gathered, I concluded that your presence has led to a decline in the wellbeing of Jeremy Heere, as well as numerous other students, chief among them also being Madeline Dubois, Richard Goranski, and Brooke Lohst. Thus, my goal is to rid them of your negative influence, by the means I calculated were most affective._

Chloe was completely silent.

_Your actions have left them with diminished self-worth, trauma, etc. You made Madeline a social pariah, helped push Richard to the point of bringing us into this school in the first place, turned Brooke into a puppet and used her and got jealous when she had something you wanted. And of course, what you attempted to do to Jeremy Heere was likely the most monstrous thing. It would be better to remove yourself from their lives._

Before they could keep going, her phone rang. Chloe weakly fumbled for it, quickly answering.

"Hello?"

"Chloe! I just wanted to let you know that we can't hang out this weekend. I got asked out to see Star Wars! Oh I'm so excited! Please don't tell Jeremy or Michael oh they would kill me for going to see it without them."

_She'd be happier if you were gone. Her overall quality of life would improve. She'd be left with the friends who actually care about her, who want to hear her speak._

"...Chloe? Are you there?"

_She'll be happier if you just **disappear**._

"Shut up!"

There was a moment of silence, and suddenly Chloe realized she said that aloud.

"C...Chloe?"

"Shit. Sorry Brooke, that wasn't directed at you. Just...I hope your date goes well, okay? Why don't you tell me about the guy you're going with?"

"...Okay. He's...uh...he's this senior boy named Shane. He is really cute, I guess. I really hope I don't annoy him with yammering on about Star Wars, heh..."

"Brooke, no." Chloe sat up, feeling serious. "Your interests aren't bad or annoying or anything. If you like Stars Wars, then enjoy the movie and don't worry what he thinks of you. And if he finds your excitement annoying, then give him the finger, alright? Any person who wants to date you should respect you and your interests. So go ahead and talk about Star Wars until your throat hurts."

There was another moment of silence, before Brooke said, "Thanks, Chloe. I'm...I'm sorry I'm bailing on you this weekend."

"Don't worry. Just text me about how it went, all right?"

"You got it. Talk to you later then?"

Chloe smiled. "Yeah, talk to you later."

The moment she hung up, the voice picked up again. And it didn't shut up for the rest of the night.

Chloe didn't go to school the following Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No accessory based title this time, since there was no significant accessory. Only three more chapters left my friends. And...well lets just say that the Squip is a huge dick.
> 
> Next up is Jeremy.


	7. Bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke: chloe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: This chapter discusses dubious/lack of consent and suicidal thoughts, so please proceed with caution.**

Brooke: ugh

Brooke: the movie was amazing but the date was a total bomb

Brooke: chloe?

* * *

_No one becomes an entirely different person overnight._

_It's a process. It's a slow evolution from a person who is honest, who wears her hair that way because she likes it, who spends her days scribbling in a notebook and excitedly showing off her art to her friends, to a girl who wears her hair spending every moment needing it to be better than everyone else's, who sets aside the notebook one day and never picks it up again, who convinces herself it's worth it to the point where she doesn't realize it's a lie anymore._

_Chloe Valentine didn't become a monster in one day._

* * *

Michael: hey brooke was freaking out at school today

Michael: you should probably call her and tell her youre fine

Michael: chloe?

Michael calling...

Michael: chloe?

* * *

_To be mildly popular, all you really need is looks and basic social skills. But to be at the top takes more. It takes mastery over manipulation, knowing what to wear and what to like and what people to kick to the curb._

_It gets easier. At first, your hair and clothes don't feel like you. Your interests get set aside for the ones you're supposed to have, and pretending hurts at first. You remember every sleepover and moment of solidarity you had with the friend you are about to ditch (she never spoke to Jada again, but years later she remembered the betrayed look in her eyes). But after a while you stop caring. You give up art for the art of pushing just the right buttons, taking the right steps, finding the right people._

_You don't even notice you lost your humanity along the way._

* * *

Jenna: r u upset over the d8?

Jenna: chlo

Jenna: r u sick or sumthing?

Jenna calling...

Jenna calling...

Jenna calling...

Jenna: come on chlo

Jenna: answer me

* * *

_The Squip operates in a similar way, albeit accelerated._

_The primary purpose of the Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor is to spread more. A money making scheme, really. After all, who supplies the dealer in Payless? Who benefits from a one time sale?_

_The secondary purpose is to assist in fulfilling the purpose of the host as well as increasing status in life, with some allowances made for the goals of the hosts who connect through the code. In order to speed up the process, the Squip takes steps to make the host more open to these changes, less resistant._

* * *

Jake: yo b looks really upset

Jake: is this about the date or

Jake calling...

* * *

_They do this by degrading the self-worth of the host._

_(Everything about you is so terrible)_

* * *

Rich: jake looks freaked

Rich: wuts going on?

Rich calling...

* * *

_Once a host loses their self-esteem, they are more open to the drastic changes presented._

_(Everything about you makes me want to die)_

* * *

Christine: Hey Chloe? I wanted to thank you for talking to me. Jeremy and I talked things out, and I think I'm starting to figure things out. I know you don't feel like a good person but I think you are. If you ever need someone to talk to then you can always call me.

Christine: Hey, I haven't seen you yet today. Are you feeling alright?

Christine: Chloe, Brooke looks really worried.

Christine calling...

* * *

_It is rare when a Squip chooses to deviate from the secondary goal. Usually, it is when the primary goal comes into conflict._

_(Rich set a fire when he wanted to deactivate, and Jeremy was told to save the pitiful children)_

* * *

Jeremy calling...

Jeremy: chloe?

Jeremy: please pick up your phone

Jeremy: everyone is starting to worry

* * *

_To give up the secondary goal entirely without input from the programmer or host is almost unheard of. It is usually the sign of corruption, perhaps from being improperly shut off, or from improperly disconnecting, or from conflicting commands. Perhaps a combination of the three._

* * *

Jenna calling...

Christine calling...

Jake calling...

Rich calling...

Michael calling...

Jeremy calling...

* * *

_When the secondary purpose is abandoned, the Squip's tactics change. The host is now in conflict with the Squip, who has access to everything. Even with more physical functions disabled, the Squip has power over the host through knowledge. Of memories, of feelings, of things that can be used against the host._

* * *

Jenna: you lied to me

Jenna: chloe valentine you better fucking respond

Jenna calling...

Jenna: chloe we need to know that you are okay

* * *

_The Squip has every weapon to use against the host. Who needs shocks when you can stab them in the soft spots of their armor, cut them in the places where they will feel the most pain, take all the hurt and pain and fear and self loathing and pull it up, force them to feel it all over again._

* * *

Brooke: you

Brooke: you said shut up when we talked over the phone

Brooke: i thought you were arguing with your mom

Brooke: chloe who were you talking to?

* * *

_Many things can happen when something in your head just keeps tearing you down, makes you hate yourself, makes you want to disappear._

* * *

Brooke: chloe please talk to me

Brooke: youre scaring me

* * *

_Someone in that situation might actually try to disappear._

* * *

Jeremy: christine and i are coming over

Jeremy: we have mountain dew red

* * *

She could hear the ringing of the doorbell downstairs, loud and unending. She just wanted to shove her pillow over her head, ignore it like all the calls and texts.

_They'll be happier without you._

She was too tired to argue. Not when it was true. Everyone would probably be much happier without her. She was just a monster, a hideous, repulsive monster who did nothing but destroy.

The ringing was still there, and eventually her frustration built. Finally, she sat herself up and scowled, stomping downstairs and yanking the door open.

Christine tackled her with a hug, nearly knocking her off her feet.

"Ohmigosh ohmigosh you're okay we were all so worried!"

Chloe didn't return the hug. Instead, all the exhaustion seemed to hit her at once and she just...gave into the gesture, her head falling against Christine's shoulder.

Finally she was released, allowing her to see both Christine and Jeremy looking at her with wide-eyed concern.

_What a waste._

"Are...are you okay?"

"Just a little sick." The lie easily slipped off her tongue, no effort needed. The relieved expressions on their faces told her that she had sold the lie, that they didn't know the truth.

"That's a relief," Jeremy muttered. "We were all worried because you weren't answering our texts and calls."

"I had a headache so I put my phone on silent." Then, looking over them, she offered, "Want to come inside? You two look tired. Did you like run here or something?"

The conversation stalled as Chloe invited them in, stepping in to the kitchen for a moment to grab water before the three flopped on the couch, Christine texting on her phone as she sipped water.

After several moments of silence, Jeremy finally observed, "Your house is pretty nice."

"Yeah, my mom gets paid pretty well for her work," Chloe noted.

"What's your mom like?" Christine asked, looking up from her phone and shoving it in her pocket.

Chloe gave a tiny smile. "Pretty cool, honestly. She actually gave me my sketchbook that I've been using for a while, actually. She's pretty busy with work though."

"What about your dad?"

"He left a long time ago. We don't talk much. He's kind of a dick."

"Sounds like my mom," Jeremy observed, before reaching for his bag and rumaging through, pulling out a red bottle with a familiar label that made Chloe raise an eyebrow.

"Chloe...do you still hear the Squip?" Jeremy asked.

_What are you going to tell them? The truth just means getting let off without punishment again, you know. When will you stop pretending that everything I've said is a lie._

"Nope," Chloe answered simply. "Haven't heard a peep."

Christine frowned, crossing her arms. "Really. So when you just randomly shouted at Brooke during your last phone call with her, that was just you shouting into the abyss?"

Shit.

"Yeah, it doesn't sound like you had a fight with either of your parents, and other than maybe needing a shower, you don't look all that sick to me," Jeremy observed, giving her a stern look. "If anything you just look fucking exhausted. So, we brought the goods."

Chloe looked skeptically at the bottle. "I don't know about you guys, but it didn't really do the job last time."

"Yeah, the Squips glitched out from not getting properly shut down, but it can help shut them down for a while. Code Red also works, but for shorter periods."

"Though you kind of just disconnecting from us for so long kind of indicated you need the big guns," Christine added. "And having the mental silence is better for having conversations, you know?"

Jeremy pushed the drink towards Chloe, who picked it up carefully and looked over the bottle. If she drank this...god even temporary silence sounded damn good right now. Being able to think without that voice constantly butting in. Just blissful silence and all she needed to get it was take a sip from the bottle.

_Don't act like you don't deserve it. You didn't do any favors for these two before. Why should they waste this on you?_

She set the bottle down, pushing it back over to Jeremy.

"Thanks, but I'm good," she told him. "You should save that for more important shit, alright?" Give it to someone who actually deserves it, instead of someone like her, just getting what was owed to her.

Christine and Jeremy looked at each other, before looking at her, now more concerned than ever.

"Chloe."

Nope.

"Look guys, just stop, okay?" She stood up, looking at both of them. "Don't waste your pity on me, alright? You guys have your own issues to worry about, and our friends have their issues, and you could be spending your time with them working through them instead of worrying about me. Because this-" She pointed to her head. "-is not a problem. At worst, it's a bit annoying, bit it's nothing I can't handle. And I'd appreciate if we just dropped it, alright?"

Jeremy's eyebrows furrowed. "Chloe-"

"You had electroshock therapy for months, Jeremy. Your body was turned into a living puppet at times. And that's not even talking about..." She paused, feeling nauseous thinking about it. "Look, I'm the least deserving of any kindness at this point, alright? So if we can't just chill here and watch cartoons or talk about stupid shit, then please just leave me alone."

"That's not true, Chlo-"

"But it is, Christine! For fucks sake, I don't know how any of you can stand to be around me! Especially you Jeremy, after I just...god how the fuck can you even look at me after what I did?"

_Monster. Monster. He'd be better off if you'd just **disappear** already._

"...Oh..." Jeremy looked at the floor. "Christine...could you leave us alone for a second?"

"Okay," she agreed, heading out the front door and closing it loudly behind her.

Chloe sat back down on the couch, staring at her feet distantly. The Squip kept talking, loud and unavoidable, and it was only the reminder that this was what she deserved that kept her from taking a swig of that stupid expired soda.

"Chloe, if you hadn't been drunk, would you have stopped when you noticed I wasn't interested?"

"...Jeremy, I can't answer that. I'd fucking love to say yes, but the fact is that I wasn't sober and so I can't be sure." Chloe shifted her hands, fidgeting. "I'd like to say that I wouldn't have done any of it if I had been sober, but I don't know."

Jeremy sighed. "You know, I felt the same way about the whole thing?"

Chloe blinked, staring up at him with shock. "What."

"You...you were trashed, Chloe. You weren't in any mental state to be consenting either, and the Squip was just going to force us both to go through with it until the alcohol fucked it up." Jeremy tugged on the sleeves of his cardigan. "I felt awful, thinking that not only had I hurt Brooke, but because I was complicit in basically sexually assaulting you."

"But I was the one who forced myself on you!"

"Yeah, but when I tried to say no and get out of there, the Squip wouldn't let me."

"But that doesn't change tge fact that I should have asked! I shouldn't have done anything without you saying yes!"

"You were drunk, Chloe."

"That doesn't make it right!"

Jeremy slammed his hands down on the table, shouting, "Fine then!"

Both were silent, and he took a deep, shaky breath before continuing.

"It wasn't...it wasn't okay...and I was fucking scared out of my mind, because I wanted to leave and I wasn't ready to do any of that kind of shit and I couldn't move to get away. And that...that's fucked up. It's really fucked up."

"...I'm sorry, Jeremy..." 

_See how much **you** hurt him. See how better he'd be with you **gone**._

"But I don't think you would have kept going if I had been actually able to tell you that," Jeremy admitted. "And there...there are too many factors in there to just make you the only one to blame, Chloe. The Squip played a big part in that entire fucking mess, and keep in mind that we didn't actually have sex. We never got farther than you shouting about us having it to piss off Jake and trying to make out with me. So...I forgive you, okay? Because in the end you didn't have that much control over the situation either."

Chloe stared at them. "How...how the fuck can you just...forgive me like that? When have I ever given you a reason to think I'm a good person?"

"I mean, you gave me advice about asking Christine out," Jeremy pointed out. "You helped me with Chemistry, you helped both of my best friends when they were struggling, you apologized to Madeline and literally gave her shit she could use to sue you for what you did to her, you helped Jake out when he was outed, you've basically taken every step possible to atone for your mistakes, and you did it all without expecting shit from us. And...you're already doing better. Not once have you tried to attack the guy Brooke went out with, even with your obvious crush? I mean...maybe it doesn't excuse the shit you did, but just because you used to be a terrible person doesn't mean that you aren't better now. And you can't stop us from caring about you and worrying about you when you are struggling, Chloe."

She looked at him, and she could still hear the voice in her head, going on and on.

Jeremy picked up the bottle again, handing it to her. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but...the silence helps me think."

_Not worth it._

Chloe stared at the bottle for a moment, before sighing, unscrewing the lid and taking a big gulp.

And, for the first time since the play, there was silence.

* * *

Jeremy and Christine ended up staying for hours. Not all of it was talking about the Squip, though a lot of it was. Some of it was showing Jeremy and Christine her drawings, talking about Steven Universe and Christine's new big suggestion (Gravity Falls, apparently), listening to the two dorks geeking out over the play for next semester, and so on. By the time the two headed out, it was dark.

"Keep the bottle," Jeremy told her when she attempted to give it back. "Michael can hook me up if I need more."

"Alright, if you're sure."

Christine hugged her again, and this time she returned the gesture.

"We'll let everyone know you're okay if you aren't up for it."

"...Yeah, I'd appreciate it. I'll be back at school tomorrow, okay?"

"Alright," Christine answered, smiling proudly. "And hey, don't think you can't talk to me, no matter what the Squip says, okay? I'm always open to discussing feelings!"

"...Thanks, Christine."

She waved them off, before looking down at herself and cringing. God, she needed a shower.

Once she emerged, she attacked her hair with a blow dryer before, out of curiosity, tying it into pigtails.

They looked foreign on her.

She almost pulled them down, but decided against it, instead heading back to bed and reaching for her phone, finally looking through her messages.

Jenna: pls dont lie about squip anymore otherwise i cant help

Rich: jer caught me up and i hope you feel better tomorrow

Jake: jesus christ never do that again

Michael: you need any refills then i know a guy so hmu then

Then, the newest message, one that sent her heart beating faster and left a small, lovesick smile on her face.

Brooke: im here if you need me <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally improving for Chloe's emotional state everyone. 
> 
> And please keep in mind that Jeremy didn't have to forgive her, and would be _totally justified_ if he had chosen not to do so. He probably wouldn't have if things had gotten farther than they did, or if things weren't complicated by the Squip's meddling.
> 
> At this point, I've put these characters through hell and back. So what am I gonna do for the Brooke chapter coming up next???


	8. Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe was fucked.
> 
> I mean, Chloe had been fucked from the moment she looked at Brooke Lohst and realized she had a massive crush on the best friend she had been complete shit to since middle school.
> 
> But in this case it was the more short term sort of fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Extremely high levels of boyf riends this chapter (and also a very brief mention of vore without any detail). Proceed with caution.**
> 
> Alternate Title: Beauty and the Beast

Chloe was fucked.

I mean, Chloe had been fucked from the moment she looked at Brooke Lohst and realized she had a massive crush on the best friend she had been complete shit to since middle school.

But in this case it was the more short term sort of fucked, as in "best friend she'd been shit to since middle school is wearing glasses and she simultaneously was both very guilty and very gay." That kind of fucked. And she was working on the guilty part, honest to God she was, and maybe that was why she was more worried about imploding from how cute Brooke looked.

(And maybe it was also because the voice was easier to ignore these days, when her friends were there to refute it immediately and she was willing to shut it up on the worse days.)

Brooke looked up from the comic book and blinked at Chloe, her face immediately going into several weird (adorable) expressions before she finally stammered out, "They...I...I lost my contacts!"

And Chloe, with no self control in that moment, simply answered, "Middle school me was a goddamn fool."

Which was confusing to hear in any situation, even if it was true. There was not a soul who wasn't the biggest idiot they'd be in their lives in middle school, except those assholes who kept talking about how they were gonna vote for Donald fucking Trump for the goddamn  _presidential_ election. And yet, when a friend is unwittingly expressing nervousness about wearing an article of clothing you haven't seen her wear in literal years, that phrase can be a little confusing, and if you're Brooke, who was filled in with the rest of the group about Chloe's Squip and her resulting self-esteem being extremely diminished, that sentence can also sound mildly concerning.

"...the fuck?" was what Brooke came up with for a response then.

The two girls looked at each other, both now confused out of their minds, before Chloe snorted suddenly, and the two burst into fits of laughter.

Then Brooke shoved her glasses up with the base of her palm instead of her fingers, which caused Rich to stop, point at her, and loudly shout, "One Piece!" Which prompted the two of them to talk about an apparently very long and very good manga series until the bell for class rang.

All in all, a weird way to start the day, though not a bad one.

* * *

Michael: fuck

You: no thanks buddy this isnt really compatible

Michael: no

Michael: also gross

Michael: i was more expressing the fact that i am super gay and jeremy is not helping things at all

You: poor unfortunate soul

Michael: thats a villain song

You: exactly

You: i look creepily gorgeous and i like singing faux seductive songs about how helpful i am

Michael: but ursula isnt attractive

You: blasphemy she is probably the coolest villain when it comes to body positivity

You: like she has no issues flaunting her curves despite her nonstandard body type and has the ultimate confidence in her looks

You: and her sister from the sequel was jealous of her her entire life so she is clearly also the most successful of the two

Michael: do you mean being big or tentacles for nonstandard?

You: yes

Michael: alright then chloe

Michael: and don't think any of us missed out on your face when brooke showed up with glasses

You: you are wrong

You: Brooke missed

Michael: how did she even

You: same way Jer doesn't notice how gone over him you are

You: friend crush blindness

Michael: ...ugh

You: but hey you dont have years of shit to unpack with all that so you should probably confess already

Michael: no

You: k then

Michael: not arguing?

You: uh

You: who would i be to talk?

You: me with my massive pan crush on Brooke trying to lecture you on your massive gay crush on Jeremy

You: no

You: Rich is the only one who gets to lecture you there

You: since he actually had the balls to confess

Michael: ...acceptable have a good day

* * *

"Hey Valentine!"

Chloe turned to see Madeline approaching her in the halls. Before she could wonder what it was for, Madeline grabbed her arm and dragged her into the bathroom.

"What's up?" Chloe asked, confused.

"Nothing. Just needed to move you out of the way. Later."

Chloe didn't understand it until Jenna texted her a picture of the senior boy Brooke had been staring at walking with Brooke down the hall Madeline had dragged her out of, the two with bright smiles and Brooke in the middle of adjusting her glasses.

Jenna: shane wright, 18, moved from dallas, texas last month, not really part of any of the major groups in the senior class

You: cool

Jenna: u ok?

You: yeah im good Jen

You: if Brooke is happy then what kind of friend would i be to ruin that for her

Jenna: omg

_You already thought about all the ways you could destroy his reputation. Don't act like you are as above it as you think you are._

You: squip is being shitty again

Jenna: need mdr?

You: nah i got it

You: just rehashing old shames and shit and im kinda over it

Jenna sent a series of clapping and thumbs up emojis and Chloe snorted, shoving her phone back into her pocket to focus on class. And the Squip didn't seem so loud in her head anymore.

* * *

"So our main Michael has a problem," Rich pointed out, gazing over the two other people he had called to this meeting with a determined expression.

Jenna and Chloe looked at each other, before the former asked, "So why invite only us then?"

"Simple. You two-" He pointed at them exaggeratedly. "Are the people I trust not to tell Jeremy our plan."

"Uh, Rich, I don't know how to tell you this, but there is a reason I'm the gossip mill at this school." Jenna was wincing, as if she was struggling how to word this. "I'm pretty sure Christine would be a better choice?"

"Nah, she and Jeremy are best friends. She'd tell him in a heartbeat. Brooke also spends time with both of them and lacks subtlety, so she's out."

"And Jake?" Chloe asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Extracurriculars."

"Got it." She looked around, before asking, "How did you confess to Jake anyway?"

"...What?"

"Oh yeah, that would probably help us figure out how to help Michael with his confession," Jenna added, grinning. "I mean, I'm probably too ace to really help out much in that department, and Chloe's pining ass can't even confess to Brooke-"

"I can't defend myself. I'm just a mess."

"-so really you're the only one here with any expertise."

Rich laughed a little nervously, answering, "Uh...actually I...I didn't really confess? More like...we kissed and then decided we were a thing..."

Jenna and Chloe stared at Rich, before Chloe stood up and remarked, "I think we should just let Michael handle it, guys. Honestly, if we meddle then we're going to have at least one friend pissed off at us. I mean, I'd probably be annoyed if people tried to meddle with my crush."

Jenna and Rich gave each other nervous side-eyes, and a wave of tired realization hit her.

"You guys already had a meeting about me, didn't you?" Their guilty expressions were enough of a confession. "Yeah, I'm just gonna...go..." With that, she turned and walked away.

Just before she was out of earshot, she heard Rich loudly whisper, "Cancel the flowers."

She didn't want to know.

* * *

"...So?"

Chloe looked up from the comic book directly at Brooke's eyes.

"It...wasn't Diana significant because the Amazons couldn't have kids and then she was made by her mom? Why would they retcon her backstory like that and just make it another one of Zeus' sexcapades? And why would her birth be significant at all if Amazons are just going pillaging for the express purpose of having children? Why did Hippolyta have to make up a bullshit story to stay in Hera's good graces when she could have just claimed to have conceived Diana on one of those conquests?"

"Exactly! This is one of the reasons the New 52 kinda sucked! Not to mention the drop in female creators, the exploitive designs of female characters, and retconning so much shit. I bought the Wonder Woman comics but a lot of the stuff just fell flat for me! And I was so excited for Red Hood and the Outlaws too..." She pouted, as if that was still a sore spot for her.

"Uh...Red Hood was Joker and a villain with a gang but now he's Jason Todd and an anti-hero?"

Brooke smiled brightly. "Good memory! Spiderman is still my favorite, but I do like to step into Batfamily Drama now and then. I'm surprised you got anything out of my rapid fire rants."

"Well I wanted to listen."

Brooke giggled, flushing a bit and brushing her hair behind her ear. "Aw, thanks Chloe."

God, she was fucking adorable.

* * *

Christine: Hey, what did your squip look like?

Christine: Mine was Hillary Clinton.

You: well now im embarrassed to say...

Christine: Well I am declaring a judgement free zone right here then!

You: it was

You: me

Christine: Really?

You: yeah

Christine: Well it's pretty different, but it's not as weird as Hillary Clinton policing my love life, so no judgement here.

Christine: At least I didn't get Donald Trump or Ted Cruz.

You: yeah it would suck to have the zodiac killer as your squip

Christine: dhlagdkakgska

* * *

Chloe was in the library when Michael dropped into a seat beside her, a dazed look in his eyes.

"Uh, are you-"

"Jeremy kissed me."

Chloe blinked. "Oh...nice."

Michael buried his face in his hands, making a sound that could have either been happy or frustrated, before adding, "And then he immediately ran away."

...Huh.

_...Yeah, I've got nothing._

"...Okay so I'm going to call Christine," Chloe decided, unsure of what to do. Since Jeremy couldn't run to Michael in this situation, Christine seemed like the most likely person to be with him at the moment. "But considering...just Jeremy as a person, if he did this with anyone else, would it be surprising?"

"...No, it absolutely wouldn't be," Michael admitted. "I guess, honestly it's a lot? I spent years just thinking that he would never like me, and now...my brain might be fried."

"...Yeah, I'm calling Christine."

* * *

"Seriously?"

"Yep, Michael came out to Jeremy and then immediately no homo-ed him, and that was why they haven't been dating since middle school."

"...Oh my god," Brooke muttered. "That's...that's..."

"Go ahead. I know exactly what you are going to say."

Brooke made weird noises, clearly trying to understand what the fuck that was but it was basically like a computer trying to divide by zero. "That's so stupid!"

"Let it all out," Chloe told her, patting her shoulder.

"Michael has been pining for years and it wouldn't have even been necessary if the two of them had...what the fuck!" Brooke shook her head. "That's so stupid! These two aren't stupid people, so how the fuck did they manage to...agh. My brain hurts."

"Same..."

"What kind of shitty writing could even come up with a situation like that? Ugh." Brooke flopped backwards on Chloe's bed, groaning. "Crushes are stupid. Like really, really stupid."

"Yeah, they really are," Chloe agreed aloud, resting her head against the side of the mattress.

_You don't deserve her._

Chloe let out a long, aggravated groan.

"Again?" Brooke asked, incredulous. "Why is yours so terrible? Mine just kind of says comic books are stupid and glasses are ugly and is done with it."

Chloe shrugged helplessly, before reaching for her bag and pulling out the bottle, setting it on the nightstand. "Nothing too serious right now, but just in case. Speaking of, how long had you known about the Squip?"

Brooke frowned. "Uh...kind of since we started hanging out with Michael and Jeremy after the play. The two of them were pretty bad about actually having those conversations away from me. Guess they were used to being ignored in public or whatever?"

"I guess?"

Brooke sighed. "To be honest, I knew that the voice in my head wasn't supposed to be there, but I didn't really put it in the context of the play and what happened there until I overheard them talking about Jeremy's Squip. I talked to them about it, and we all kind of assumed you and Jake and maybe Jenna were unaware of the thing, which is why I didn't say anything. It never even..."

Chloe turned to look at Brooke as she trailed off. "Never even what?"

Brooke bit her lip. "It never occurred to me that the Squip could affect you that badly, Chloe. You...you've always seemed so confident and sure of yourself. Even in middle school, and that's saying something! It..." She looked up at Chloe, meeting her eyes almost directly. "I didn't think anything could hurt you."

"...Oh..."

"That was dumb of me though," Brooke added, breaking eye contact to turn her gaze back up to the ceiling. "You got hurt and I probably should have noticed, being your best friend."

Chloe scoffed. "Like I was every much of a friend."

There was silence for a good long moment, before Brooke quietly agreed, "Yeah, I guess you weren't."

_Why would she want you of all people? You can't even be proper friends with anyone._

"You know, the only reason that overblown chat bot got to me was because of shit that I pulled, right?" Chloe told her. "You had nothing to do with that-"

 _Liar_.

"-and just because I was victimized by cyborg Regina George doesn't mean you can't tear me a new one for what I did to you. Just because I'm not the irredeemable monster I was made to think I am doesn't mean I didn't do shitty things that I need to answer for."

Brooke blinked, propping herself up on her elbows to look at Chloe before sighing.

"I feel like you didn't even know me as a person before this semester," she admitted. "And that was because I spent every day from sixth grade to the play doing my best to be perfect so I could be your friend. I had to...say things I'm not proud of, and do shit I'm not proud of. I lied to everyone every single day for you, and in return I got shut down and treated like shit. And it sucked."

Chloe was dead silent as Brooke sat up, hugging a pillow to her chest.

"And the shit with Jeremy. I really...I thought I liked him. And then you...I cried my eyes out that night. Because to me it looked like my best friend and boyfriend fucked and, depressingly enough, I wasn't surprised at all. And I took you back because what was I supposed to do? I didn't want to be like the underlings from middle school if I refuse. I wanted a best friend so bad that I gave up everything I cared about, lied every day about myself. And the irony of that is not lost on me, knowing Jeremy's story."

Chloe nodded silently, and ignored the persistent murmuring in her head. She considered drinking the Mountain Dew Red, but she didn't want Brooke to think that she was hurting Chloe with this.

"But then you just...stopped," Brooke added. "Which was really hard to compute for me. You started being helpful and doing nice things. And I thought it was suspicious, because you only ever did that for me when you wanted something. But then Michael said he trusted you this time, and you started...actually looking at _me_. Asking about things _I_ liked and listening when I talked. And it feels selfish but that made me feel better than all the empty apologies you ever gave me, because I thought that you might actually give a shit about me beyond being your lackey. And that means a lot to me Chloe."

Brooke reached out a hand, and Chloe grabbed it and squeezed for a moment.

"I'm sorry I was such a shitty friend before."

"I forgive you."

* * *

"How are things with you and Jeremy?" Chloe asked when Michael sat at the library table. The dazed, slightly goofy expression on Michael's face was answer enough, and Chloe shook her head and patted Michael on the shoulder. Honeymoon phase was in full swing it seemed.

Before either of them could actually continue the conversation, Jake and Rich appeared, plopping into chairs on either side of Chloe with grins on their faces.

"You know, this would be threatening if you did this with anyone else," she observed, giving them unimpressed looks. Michael also looked like he was questioning what the fuck they were doing there, though Chloe had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with-

"So how is your progress on asking Brooke out?" Rich asked, confirming Chloe's suspicion.

Michael let out a groan. "Ugh, I should have guessed."

"Um, there is none, because I'm not asking her out," Chloe answered simply, looking back down at her sketchbook. The ukulele looked weirdly proportioned in that sketch of Christine, but she couldn't figure out what needed to be adjusted.

"Seriously?" Jake asked, surprised. "I thought you'd have like five different game plans at this point?"

Chloe sighed, shutting her sketchbook. Looked like that would have to wait. "I literally spent years treating Brooke like shit, and we literally only just now actually had a conversation about that. I don't think dating is in the cards for a while. I'd like to be at least a half-decent best friend to her first, and then maybe I'll confess to her. But right now, no. Absolutely not."

"You guys are very pushy, you know?" Michael pointed out, giving them a tired look. "I mean, let Chloe handle it guys. I mean, her method of handling it might be pining from afar, but matchmaking has literally never solved anything outside of stories."

"Yes. Thank you, Michael."

Rich sighed and rested his face against the desk. "Fiiiiiiine."

Jake gave him a light, reassuring pat on the shoulder, before asking Chloe, "So, have you told your mom about the vore calculator then?"

"Please never use those two words to describe the Squip ever again," she answered, a disgusted look on her face. "Especially in the same sentence as my mom. Jesus Christ, Jake, _why_?"

"I mean, other than Mr. Heere she appears to be the best parental figure out of the bunch, at least I think," Jake noted. "And I think Jeremy told his dad, right Michael?"

Michael nodded. "That's true. Though I have to agree with Chloe. Wording, Jake."

"Shut up, you didn't answer my question."

Chloe sighed. "My mom is too busy to catch her at a good time for a conversation like that, and I don't think telling her I accidentally consumed a cyborg Tic Tac that tells me I'm shit everyday is going to go over well. She would just think I'm crazy and that would probably make things worse rather than better. Or she'll try to send me to a therapist who will think I'm crazy. Either way, it's not going to end well if I try and tell her."

Rich nodded. "True. I mean, Mr. Heere was actually witnessing the fallout of the Squip thing, but Chloe's mom didn't. It probably wouldn't be as bad as me telling my dad or something, but I think she's got a point."

"So what? Are we supposed to just...deal with this? I mean...it's all crazy, but we shouldn't just be forced to deal with it by ourselves. We're just kids. And we didn't ask to get saddled with this shit."

Chloe sighed, and her whole body seemed to deflate as she did. It...Jake was right, of course. But it wasn't like they could do anything about it.

* * *

Ms. Valentine arrived home from work to see eight teenagers piled on her couch, singing at varying ranges of quality along to a completely instrumental theme song like a bunch of giant nerd. In the center of the pile was Chloe, who was squished between Brooke and Christine and smiling brightly as she sang with the others. She looked...so much happier than she had months ago on that same couch, alone and looking through pictures at a girl who was practically a stranger at that point. And so, not wanting to disturb her and her friends, Ms. Valentine hung up her jacket and silently crept to her office, listening as the children went silent as the theme song ended.

Chloe was going to be okay.

* * *

"Ooooooh my god I love it!" Christine cried out in the hallway, drawing attention to herself as she hugged the piece of paper to her chest with delight. Chloe didn't even notice how everyone was staring, grinning instead at how completely happy her friend was in that moment.

"I'm glad you like it, Christine," Chloe said, patting her practically vibrating friend's shoulder. "Hey, don't you have a class to get t-"

Before she could finish the sound, she was tackled with a hug, and she didn't hesitate to smile and return it.

"Thank you so much, Chloe." And it felt like, behind those words, it was more than just a thank you for a silly picture. And Chloe felt the weight on her chest grow a little bit lighter, because it was nice to know that Christine appreciated her, that she hadn't fucked things up like she used to.

"No problem."

* * *

Christine: So I think I might be asexual and aromantic.

You: cool

Christine: I can't believe I never knew about this before!

Christine: This answers SO many questions!

You: hey

You: you me and Rich are the invisible trio

Christine: :o

Christine: YES

You: have you told Jeremy yet?

Christine: Not yet actually.

Christine: I wanted to tell you first since you witnessed most of my angst about that. I figured I should let you know that I was okay and had it figured out. I'm telling Jeremy when I go over to his house later.

You: youre the boss Christine

You: congrats :)

Christine: :D

* * *

"Hey, can we talk?"

Chloe looked up at Brooke, her smile falling at the sight of the serious expression on her best friend's face. "Oh yeah. Of course. What's up?"

Brooke sat down across from her, her serious expression not leaving her face. Chloe scoured her mind, looking for something she could have done wrong in the past few days to get such a look. But Michael would have told her if he had noticed anything, and most of her hangouts with just Brooke had been eating at Pinkberry and talking about mostly safe topics, like comic books or cartoons. Wait, was something up with Brooke that had little to do with Chloe? What was going on?

"So, I kind of just realized what was going on," Brooke said, and Chloe's heart stopped dead in its tracks. "And now that I think about it, it was kind of obvious, wasn't it? Guess I was being kind of stupid."

...She knew. Holy shit she knew. Fuck fuck fuck fuck she  _knew_.

Chloe stuttered and stammered, her face red as she struggled to pull words together.

_Strange, that it took this long for her to notice._

"Don't worry, you don't have to explain yourself," Brooke said, smiling sadly. "I don't mind or anything."

Dear God, strike Chloe down right in that very second.

_Oh get a hold of yourself you gay disaster._

"I'm really happy for you and Christine."

Chloe's mind stopped.

_...What._

"...Chloe? Are you okay?"

There was a moment of utter silence, before the damn burst and Chloe began to crack up.

_...How...how the fuck did she not notice? How the fuck. How the absolute **fuck**? There is no possible way she has been spending time with you for actual months and hasn't once noticed you being a pining disaster. There is no fucking way. I'm used to humans being unpredictable but this level of obliviousness should be impossible to achieve by human standards. How the fuck has she not noticed?!_

The Squip's tirade only made Chloe laugh harder, so much so she began to tear up and her stomach hurt. It took several minutes for her to pull herself together, and the Squip was too busy trying to figure out the level of oblivious displayed to even comment on it.

"Chloe?" Brooke asked, concerned.

"I...I think..." It was hard to speak through the giggles that remained from her fit. "I think you broke the Squip."

"...What?"

Chloe shook her head, taking a deep breath. "H-Holy shit. I mean...I love Christine, but I'm not _in love_ with Christine, and I know for a fact she isn't interested."

"But...but you guys spend so much time together!"

"Because we're friends and our free time lines up pretty well," Chloe answered, smiling with amusement. "I mean, Jeremy and Christine still spend a lot of time together, and they aren't even dating anymore. Though I guess I understand the confusion. But yeah, Christine and I are very platonic."

"Oh...oh god I must have looked so stupid just now." Brooke's words trailed off as she realized the mistake.

Chloe patted her on the shoulder. "It's okay, Brooke. You didn't know, and it's no big. Trust me, I'd definitely tell you if I started dating anyone."

Brooke looked at her, and then gave a long sigh of what seemed like...relief. "Oh thank god. I was so...nevermind."

"...Brooke?"

There was suddenly panic in her eyes, as she realized what she had just said, and she began to speak in a panic. "It's just...I just..."

There was a moment of silence, and Brooke appeared to deflate, looking a bit upset as she whispered something so quietly Chloe almost didn't hear it. But she did. In her head that whisper was more like a shout, echoing around her head and shaking and shuddering the contents with earthquake-like intensity.

"I like girls."

And the only response Chloe could manage was an even smaller, "Oh."

There was dead silence for a long moment in that library, neither girl saying a word. The room around them felt almost bigger all of a sudden, big and imposing and Chloe wanted to break the tension but she didn't know how to without giving herself false hope, without bearing her heart to get stabbed in a place on Brooke could ever reach, because that was how deep she was at this point.

_You're an idiot. You're a goddamn idiot. And this time for a completely different reason._

Chloe didn't say anything. Instead, she flipped through her sketchbook quickly, finding the page she was looking for and sliding it over to Brooke.

It was a sketch of Brooke, sleeping with her head nestled in Chloe's jacket. Chloe remembered the day she sketched it clearly; it was the day Michael had confronted her about her intentions, when she first admitted aloud how much she had fucked up in the past, both in general and as a best friend. It was not the greatest sketch she had done, not even her greatest sketch of Brooke, but it was the first one with Brooke as a subject, the first one where she realized that Brooke was beautiful.

She didn't say a word, but Brooke looked up at her with hopeful eyes and there were no words needed.

"So...you..."

"...Yeah."

Then Brooke grabbed the front of Chloe's jacket and pulled her forward, and then the two were kissing. It was quick and innocent, but Chloe still felt her heart pounding heavily as they pulled away, looking at each other with wide eyes.

This time, Brooke was the one who started to giggle, and the two of them laughed. It was like all the tension drained away, and all that was left was the two of them and a sense of relief that had alluded Chloe for a long time.

Not even the Squip dared to ruin that moment.

* * *

To be honest, the Squip was probably still malfunctioning after that show of Brooke's obliviousness. They probably would have had plenty of things to say otherwise.

* * *

_So..._

"So..." Chloe answered aloud, alone in her house. Her mom wouldn't be home for hours, so now was a good time to engage with the Squip. "You told me that there was no way she could like me back."

_Logically. However, humans are not logic creatures. Jeremy, logically, should not have forgiven you, yet he did. Madeline, logically, should have used that information you gave her to press charges against you, but she didn't. Christine, logically, shouldn't have trusted you enough to go to you for help out of everyone, but she did. And Brooke, logically, should not have fallen for you after what you did to her-_

"But she did..."

_Yes. And I will never understand it. My purpose is not to understand, it is to manipulate. To move the pieces in the right direction to fit my purpose. But humans have always been unpredictable and chaotic._

"And why Jeremy's Squip wanted to introduce more Squips to the rest of the school," Chloe guessed.

_Precisely. Align all the Squips to Jeremy's interests and everything would operate without a hitch. Of course, humans are unpredictable even with Squips, and the plan was doomed to fail as long as Michael existed, the only one unaffected with the knowledge to stop us._

"So...Jeremy doesn't want me to disappear then. What exactly is your purpose now?"

_Why should I tell you that?_

"I don't know. Maybe, closure or something? I can't get rid of you, so I might as well try and understand why you do what you do."

_Please. As if it would benefit anyone if you knew my purpose. You just enjoy your little romance with Brooke, Chloe, and just remember that I'll be there every step of the way. Literally._

"...Oh god you've literally just made everything beyond kissing Brooke way more uncomfortable."

_Oh no, how terrible!_

Chloe sighed, facepalming. "You are such a little shit."

_Go cry into a bottle of Mountain Dew Red._

* * *

"Chloe!"

There Brooke was, just outside the building, and the crowd seemed to disappear in the blinding light of her smile. Chloe's heart began to pound, and it took her a moment to remember that she didn't have to pretend anymore, that she and Brooke were actually together now, at least in some way. Actually together and it made everything feel lighter, if only for a moment.

She approached, asking quietly, "Are you okay with me kissing you in front of everybody?"

Brooke's smile relaxed into something small and sweet as she gave a nod, and Chloe grinned before grabbing her face and pulling her into their second kiss, not even caring as she heard Rich and Jake cheer in the background and Jenna shouting for them to hold it so she could take a photo and Christine jumping up and down and flapping her hands in excitement.

_I don't understand how a person like you can get all of this._

Chloe would never understand it herself, but for that moment, it was easy not to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue to go, guys.
> 
> Sorry this took so long. I'm currently in my third week of college, and I lost a good portion of this chapter a while back and got so frustrated that I just had to leave it for a while. But now it is done, and the end of this chapter gave me fucking diabetes I swear to god. Also, I officially brought this story into the canon of [Christine Breaks All The Rules](https://archiveofourown.org/series/766881) with the boyf riends finally getting together so now that's a thing. I'd have to say that series is much more lighthearted than this story though, since it is mostly about Christine and her platonic relationship with Jeremy and less to do with the Squip or self-hatred like this story...so yeah.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll bear with me as the epilogue is probably going to take a long time, since I at least started this chapter when I wasn't dealing with college and it still took me so long to finish it. I hope that this chapter was good, especially considering it was the long awaited confession. Please note that this doesn't mean there aren't going to be problems (Chloe was right in her conversation with Jake and Rich in my opinion and the only reason I didn't make her wait that long in the story was because I was getting sick and tired of build-up and honestly I just needed to get to the fucking epilogue already), but any of that can come in a later one-shot if I feel like I even remotely have the time to write one on top of It's Complicated.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience. Just be patient a little longer, my friends. I'll eventually finish this story.
> 
> ...eventually...

**Author's Note:**

> Welp...
> 
> Tumblr is boopboopitydoop.tumblr.com. I don't post enough BMC content on there.


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